Ask and you shall receive, Holly...

Okay, so she was right, it HAS been forever since I did a blog post. I've been a little busy being miserably sick and feeling sorry for myself, haha. But!! I was online since that's the only way I can check Facebook anymore, and thought "Aw heck, where's my camera? Let's do this..." So I said no pictures, Holly, but I changed my mind.  =)

So life has been different, to say the least. I struggle to find my groove with the plethora of pregnancy symptoms, most of which aren't PC to really talk about here (you have-been-pregnant ladies know the common issues, though). Let's just say that things are WAY different than they were before. And I've been struggling to feel like myself through it all, with poor Andrew FLAWLESSLY handling any crying fits or random cravings or housework that may pop up any given moment.

We were thankfully able to take our trip to Indy and Chicago this past month. I was pretty miserable through most of it, but did my best to be a trooper. I am SO BUMMED I didn't get any pictures of Andrew with his parents, but I didn't even think to bring out the camera until we went to Chicago. We arrived Friday during the late morning/early afternoon, having decided VERY last minute to fly instead. We got to spend the whole weekend with both his mom and dad, but his dad had to leave Monday morning to go to work for the week. We got to visit some of our favorite spots that we don't have down here (Rally's and Famous Dave's, namely), and we got tons of visiting time with his parents. We hadn't seen them since our wedding nearly two years ago, so it was wonderful to get that time together. The weather was GORGEOUS, the trees were all turning colors these people in Texas don't get to see this time of year. People were so friendly!! Everywhere we went, people acted like they'd known us for a long time, like we were old friends. Such a laid back, calm, nice atmosphere.

Tuesday, the day before we came home, we drove to Chicago for a little mini-vacation just me and Andrew, with a stop by Northwestern to eat dinner with Andrew's godson, Jeff Jr. Downtown Chicago was AWESOME!!! Bustling with tons of people, all of whom seemed to sense the change in the lights before they happened. It was this intricate dance, almost, of people just moving without really looking to see if they should. It was very cool to walk through. We got to see The Bean!!!

And we went to a local pizza joint when we went to visit with Junior. He and Andrew are always goobers around each other, I love it!

That is all the pictures we got in Indy/Chicago. I was not feeling well, what can I say?  =/

Animals are doing good, they missed us while we were gone. But their Aunt Sara took great care of them and we weren't worried about them too much (other than worrying if they were sad we left, haha). She was a real pal to come stay at our house in "Oklahoma", since she's used to being so close to her job and everything else she loves doing. THANKS A MILLION, SARA!!!!!!!!!!! You know you're the only person we trust to watch our home and follow our babies' routines while we are gone, and there aren't words to express how grateful we are to have you as our friend!!!! LOVE YOU!!!

Found these on the camera of Harley, wanted to share...Andrew discovered Harley loves to chase the water from the hose across the yard. Like, chase to the point that he runs so fast and loses his footing when he tries to change direction and goes careening off his path. So funny!!!!! And he gets soaked:

Also found the pictures we took the morning we found out we were pregnant. ***WARNING*** It was 5am, I'd JUST woken up not long ago, and I'd been crying. I look terrible, but it was the happiest moment ever so get over it, haha.   ;)

Alright! That's all I have for now, I'm tired and Andrew will be home soon. This tired mama's going to go prop her feet up and watch some Craig Ferguson and relax after a long work week so far. Love you all!!!!!!

Bittersweet...

I sat here staring at this blank box for awhile, trying to figure out how to start. I can't really think of a clever way to ease into things, so I guess I'll just be straight-forward...

Many of you know we were going through the infertility process starting in July. We had our first consultation, felt complete confidence in our doctor, but came away feeling let down. The specialist had said before that IVF would be our only option, IUI (or artificial insemination) wouldn't work. So we spent the whole month of July wrapping our minds around this idea and mentally preparing ourselves to go through IVF. There were so many positive aspects, like we would have a great shot at the twins we were praying for and a more likely chance of things working.

So to hear that, for insurance purposes, we would have to do a few rounds of IUI first, we were just defeated. Mostly me. I saw it as pushing off the thing they knew would work, and we'd waited so long already that I was feeling impatient. With no assurances of much, we had the IUI done on August 28th. Four days later, I was pretty sure I was pregnant, I was beginning to get very sick. We could not test until September 11th, though, so the "Two Week Wait" was completely agonizing. I got sicker everyday. I swore that I had to be pregnant, or else I was dying.

Sure enough, around 5:00 in the morning on Tuesday, September 11th...we got a positive pregnancy test. We cried, we laughed, I immediately exclaimed, "Holy cow, I have to give birth!" We spent the day telling family: Andrew's by phone, mine in person. My sister's reaction was the best reaction ever, I wish we'd recorded it. She screamed, jumped around, and hugged us like crazy. She screamed herself hoarse, haha. Everyone was so happy, many were sure we would get the twins we so desperately wanted. But most of all we were SO BLESSED that this method thought almost pointless, but a necessary step, had given us a child!

We wanted to keep it a secret for awhile, though, from most of our friends and our coworkers. We knew there was a "safe" period that we should let pass, so November 9th became the day we would go public.

Since we went through infertility treatments, we were able to have an ultrasound around 6 or 7 weeks, to see how many eggs had been made into babies. We were told we would even get to hear a heartbeat. So last Thursday, October 4th we went in to see our little miracle. The appointment started off wonderfully, with the guy telling us we only had one, it was 12.59mm long, and we got to see his/her little heartbeat. Before we were able to listen to it, the doctor had discovered something else. Agonizing silence before he said there was a "complication". We DID have a second child, but it had never made it out of the fallopian tube. An ectopic pregnancy. We were ushered into a waiting room to speak with our doctor. He looked a little bewildered as he told us what was going on: we had a healthy baby just where it was supposed to be. But this ectopic pregnancy was a problem. It was a miracle it was even discovered, he explained, because there was a sac and a heartbeat. This is not a very common occurrence, he said. He said any other case and suddenly in 2 weeks I'd have been rushing to the ER with massive stomach pains and uncontrollable bleeding, and could very well have died because the sac had ruptured. But this baby was alive, so they found it. There was no way to just move him to the uterus, I would have to have emergency surgery to remove the whole fallopian tube and our sweet little baby that had just saved it's sibling, and probably me.

We were told he had only done this surgery three times in his 20-year career with these circumstances, and all three times the other baby in the uterus had survived and been fine. So we knew we were in as capable of hands as we could be. My other baby would be more at risk for miscarriage for about a month afterwards, so I was to take it easy as I went on about my life.

Shock. That's all I can say. I don't remember the car ride to my sister's house. I barely remember walking to the car. We told her what had happened, and she bawled. Everything inside of me told me to not cry, to stay strong because I had another baby I had to keep safe. I did cry when I was driving home by myself (Andrew'd met me at the hospital so we eventually had to get both cars home) that evening. I prayed out loud to the Lord, and I talked to the baby. We decided that since the baby had grown and had a heartbeat, we should name it. I felt it was a boy. So we looked at our list of names, saw that Evan meant "God is gracious" and decided on Evan James. I allowed myself that one cry before the surgery.

Friday morning, everything went smooth, it's all a blur now. My sister, brother-in-law, and my mother all came to support us at the hospital.My sister gave me a James Avery charm that said "You'll Always Be In My Heart" and said she would have the back engraved for Baby Evan. The doctor said the surgery couldn't have gone better, our other baby probably never even knew anything was happening. Everything was hailed as a success and we were released that day. My appetite (long gone from intense nausea up until this point) returned for Friday evening and Saturday. I was ravenous. My mother came over Saturday afternoon and cooked us more food than we knew what to do with, and came over Monday while I was still at home to clean our house and cook a little more. My home group leader and one of my friends also came by Saturday to visit with us. Sunday was just me and Andrew, so it was quiet and kind of sad in our house. I could see Andrew really struggling to deal with his grief. I felt helpless, knowing I couldn't "fix" anything...

Tuesday I decided to stay home again because I was exhausted and sore still. I spoke to my sister on the phone, and she said a friend of a friend had been through two miscarriages and had done blogs about it, and would I like the links to maybe read when I was ready? I said sure, thinking it wouldn't have much impact on me since I'd been calm and positive about what had happened the whole time.

I had no idea how deep I was hiding my pain and grief. Reading this sweet woman's words had me sobbing and reaching out to the Lord. It really hit that I was NEVER going to get to hold my child on this earth, that after waiting for so long, I would have to wait the rest of my mortal life before getting to see his sweet face in heaven. I realized that if this baby survives as well (God-willing), then every birthday for him/her I would always think about Evan. The sadness just washed over me in waves. I have known several women who have miscarried children, and while I was always sad for them when they told me, I never understood. You can't really feel that pain of the loss until you are right there, having lost a child yourself. Many people around us have the "at least you have another baby!" attitude, and they are absolutely right. We are so thankful we didn't lose both babies. But we still lost a child. It had a heartbeat, and other little body parts. He was growing. He was OURS. And he never had a chance. He lived long enough to save us, and then he was just gone. I never even got to see him on the monitor, I think Andrew might have caught a glimpse. We waited so long, we have more love to give than we know what to do with...that little baby was so wanted.

It does comfort me to know he's with our Father, waiting for us to join him. I just selfishly wanted to have him first...

So far everything is fine with our other baby. I'm back to being sick as all get-out, so that's a great sign (although I hope the morning sickness passes soon!!). My incisions are clean and neat and healing nicely. And Andrew and I are just trying to get back in the swing of things. There's an empty space inside of us that no one can see, and many won't truly understand. It's just there, and randomly it hurts. I've been much more teary since breaking down yesterday, but the silver lining is that I'm back to praying more. I had clammed up, unintentionally turning away from the Lord. And we need Him now more than ever as we try to move on.

We are so excited about our little baby, though, as sad as we are about losing Evan. We are going to love the crap out of him/her, hahaha! And this baby will always have a guardian angel in Evan. We all three will.

Our approximate due date is May 24th, but we haven't had an official one since we haven't seen our OB-GYN yet. We see her on October 29th, and we certainly have a lot to tell her. But I'm excited to watch this baby grow and I cannot WAIT to hold him/her. We have wanted this for so long...words cannot express how blessed we are. Everything has been truly miraculous, although bittersweet. Even that word doesn't describe this accurately, really. It's so much more than bitter AND sweet.

After reading that woman's words about how she felt compelled to share her story in case it would touch someone else at any point really spoke to me, and when I told Andrew I thought it was time to bring this all to light for everyone he agreed. So it's several weeks earlier than we wanted, and not quite as happy a newsbreak as we were hoping, but we are very excited to share our news with you all. I'm relieved to finally be able to post on Facebook about random cravings and nausea and everything (it's been SO HARD to not talk about it, I've mostly been not even posting anything).

We appreciate the support we've received so far. My sister's kind words and gestures, my mother skipping work to clean our house and cook for us, the people that have visited and texted and called...it's all been more love and support than we could have hoped for. Every one of you that has been there with us since Friday: we love you, we thank you from the bottom of our broken hearts, and we are just so blessed to have each and every one of you on our side. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

End of Summer Update

Even though I'm not in school anymore, and I don't have any children that go through the whole back-to-school stuff, the end of summer always feels kind of bittersweet. The summer months have a more laid back, carefree feel to them. September is when you start preparing for the busy months ahead. We have Andrew's birthday, then the State Fair, then a trip to Indianapolis/Chicago, my birthday, then our 2nd anniversary, then Thanksgiving and Christmas. Things pick up in September and all of the fun stuff we look forward to all year is finally here. But it's a BUSY time, for most people. So before all of that gets here, I wanted to clean off my camera and post pictures you all have not had a chance to see. Lots of Harley--shock. Haha.

We wanted to get Harley used to riding in the car. When he's older, we want to be able to take him places with us. He'd only ever been in the car for vet trips, so he wasn't fond of it. Then suddenly he just WAS, very soon into us trying to get him adjusted. He still FREAKS out when Andrew runs into a gas station or wherever we go on our little errand. He doesn't care that I'm still there in the car with him, haha. But he loves riding in the car now, it's cute.

We were able to have the boys over to spend the night for a couple of nights a few weeks ago. We wish we'd been able to have them over more this summer, but time just FLEW by and we were busy with Harley and lots of weekend things here and there. So we hung out and didn't take hardly any pics. But I did get some of Daniel playing with Harley. The boys are not huge dog fans, but they both were SUPER great with Harley, letting him bombard them with his kisses and lovin'.

At the end of July, we went to see the American Idol concert tour with the Top Ten from last season. It was AN INCREDIBLE show. We went with a coworker of mine and her husband. Highly entertaining, and I'm so glad we ended up buying tickets! Seats weren't too bad at all, but it was tough to get pictures. Lighting just wasn't working a lot of the time.


Here is DeAndre, who I knew had potential all season, but never lived up to it. He was the best performer of the night, no question. Amazing energy, good vocals and songs...even Andrew admitted he rocked it.

One of the three best moments of the night, Erica singing a song by P!nk ("Glitter" I think?).

Holly, Erica, and Colton

Another of the three best moments of the night: Colton's a Christian rock singer, and the song he sang that he wrote moved me to tears. UNBELIEVABLE performer this guy is going to be. Just amazing.

Joshua Ledet, my favorite from this past season...the third one in the "best moments of the night" category, singing "Man's World". He brought down the house, HE IS SO GOOD. He should have won (sorry, Carolyn, I really do love Phillip, haha)

Here's the winner, Phillip Phillips. I do adore him and wasn't mad he won. He is unique and quirky and something is just so real and normal about him. Loved him, his single "Home" is really a wonderful song.

Phillip and Elise

 Colton, DeAndre, and Phillip

Final song of the night, performed by the whole Top Ten. GREAT SHOW!!!

Needed to give you guys a Harley break, because there's more cuteness coming at you right now. We've been trying to teach him how to catch a Frisbee. He does everything right...EXCEPT catch it, hahaha. Nevertheless, he has fun:

Gotta get it from him first. He likes to bring it to you, and then swerve at the last second, making you about fall over stretching for it.

Waiting patiently for me to throw it

 Didn't catch it, but he brings it back to "try" again, haha



When he's not playing with his frisbee with me, he is content to play with it by himself. He carries it around and just bats it around, as if he were a cat playing with a ball of yarn. Too precious.

He's turning into a really handsome guy, he's going to be 6 months old on September 5th. It feels like he's been with us MUCH longer than 4 months, haha.

So when I get home from work everyday, I have a routine. I spend about 30 seconds loving on Dewey by himself, go to the bathroom if needed, and then I begin. I go let Harley out. Then I turn on Dewey's bathroom faucets (he's been locked out all day and he's frantic to get in, even though there are two other water sources while we are gone--nutcase), grab my phone charger, and wait for Harley. He makes 1-2 trips into his kennel. he brings out Rocky Raccoon for sure, sometimes a rawhide or two. He crams as MUCH into his mouth as will fit in these trips, and then the gate goes up. We go outside, he jumps all over me, and then he does his business. Then we come in, he gets fresh water with ice cubes and a scoop of food for lunch (we'd started trying to wean him off of feeding him three scoops a day to two, but he hit a growth spurt and is eating like crazy; since he burns it off constantly, we are good with feeding him lunch still at this point). Then I take off my shoes and grab a bite to eat for myself while he eats/drinks/catches Dewey coming back from drinking his body weight in water. Then it's time to sit in our chair (mine and Harley's) and watch my shows that Andrew doesn't watch with me. This is when Harley jumps on me to show me he missed me, we wrestle and practice him giving kisses, no biting. He's turning into a sweet, snuggly puppy with me, and it's nice.

When play time is done and it's time for some of my shows, Harley is not often ready to be done playing.


"C'mon, you know you'd rather play with me than watch this!"



"Don't act like you don't hear me, Mom!"

He and Dewey have more "STOP THAT" moments than "Awwww....." moments, but Harley has more energy than Dewey's ever had in his entire three years on this earth. It's tough to settle him down, they want to play SO BADLY, but Harley's just too rough for the Dewball. They get along best with a gate between them. From chasing invisible bugs (a favorite game of Dewey's that perplexes Harley) to seeming to have "let's get things straight" conversations...you really can tell they love each other.

 "Mom, I think my brother is losing it...there's no bug here."

Dewey's been ten times more affectionate and lovable to Andrew and I than we could ever have hoped for since getting Harley. He's slimmed down a lot, too, since he spends his afternoon/evenings running away from Harley, then turning around for one of his Ginga Ninja surprise "attacks" on Harley. He's just a good boy, I love my little Dewball!!

Harley waits anxiously for his daddy to get home, and then we settle into our evening routine of dinner and chatting and playing with Harley and TV before bed.

                                      

Like my blog title suggests, we live the simple life here. Not a lot excitement by some people's standards, but we love it. Harley and Dewey keep us laughing, sometimes to the point of tears. They are silent, furry comedians; and as frustrated as I get with Harley even still, he definitely was the missing piece to our house we didn't know we were missing. He's a good boy. Hope you all enjoyed the pictures, we miss and love all of you that we haven't seen in forever. Enjoy the end of your summer!!