I was obviously nervous that whole week (ahem, NINE MONTHS) leading up to Delivery Day. Having watched A Baby Story quite a bit while on bed rest, I was VERY relieved not to have to endure contractions. You women that have are warriors!!! I was in a lot of discomfort with my Braxton Hicks contractions, and I'm sure that was nothing in comparison. Thankfully, I don't have to compare, haha. But I was still nervous about other things...well, just one thing. The dreaded epidural. I had bad (and bizarre) pergnancy dreams surrounding the epidural randomly throughout my pregnancy, and I was extremely solemn that day.
We got to the hospital early, my doctor thought they might take me back early if I did. But nope, we sat in the waiting room for awhile, watching other people wait around for news for their loved ones. I wanted to throw up. Right at 1:00 we were back in the room. I changed into my gown and had THE most painful IV insertion ever. It made me cry. I seriously have the worst veins for drawing blood/having an IV put in. After that was all done, we waited for awhile.
Holy moly I was huge!!! And highly uncomfortable. So even though I was scared of the Big Bad Epidural, I was ready for this show to get on the road.
My blood pressure spiked when they were prepping me to go get my epidural, I had to have medicine pumped into my IV to calm me down. I was trying to tell them having Andrew in there was a drug-free way to calm me down, but they weren't having it. So a sweet little nurse held me while I boo-hoo'ed into her shoulder as they gave me the Big Bad Epidural. How was it??? Well...I'm glad I freaked out for so long, because it was nothing like I'd imagined it. I guess I thought they were going to turn into ninjas and stab me with a samurai sword, or something. It wasn't pleasant, but I could easily do it again. Although, I was scared when the doctor said he needed me to tell him if he'd done it right. All I could work out through my tears was "Shouldn't YOU know?!?!"
They laid me back and tied my arms down and moved me around since my whole lower body was numb (WEIRD sensation). As they were doing all of this, Andrew was getting ready to come see me!
The surgery itself seemed quick. I was totally in disbelief that I could feel everything they were doing, but not feel ANY pain. Lots of tugging and pulling, VERY strange. Finally my wonderful doctor warned me that it was time, I'd be feeling a lot of pressure and HOLY COW SHE WASN'T KIDDING. For about two long seconds it felt like an elephant had just sat on my chest, then there was sweet relief as it all whooshed away, and there was my son! Being held up for me to see over the curtain. He was a goopy, bloody mess. He wasn't crying (yet). He was here. Finally.
At 3:15pm, our 10 pound 7 ounce "little big guy" came into the world. He was 22 inches long, and he looked almost identical to me when I was a baby. They cleaned him up and gave him to his daddy for our first family picture:
It took about 20-25 minutes for her to get everything sewed up. I finally got to hold Matthew as they wheeled me back to the recovery room.
That's when he stopped crying and opened his eyes for the first time, looking at me. We just stared at each other while I told him that I was the one he'd kicked senseless for the last nine months. It was such a brief moment between us, but it's my favorite moment from that whole day. I can still close my eyes and see it so vividly. Rachel's line on Friends when she tells Emma "I know you"...that's exactly how I felt. I knew him. And I felt like it was equally special in his little baby world: he knew me. My voice, my heartbeat. And he seemed to feel the giant wave of love that was pouring off of me at the sight of his beautiful face, looking at me. This was the day I'd waited for since I was a little girl. This was the baby Andrew and I had prayed we'd have for nearly three years. This was the moment...I will never forget it. Time stood still for those few seconds. It was there, the connection I had feared wouldn't be there. That bond all mothers say is there from the beginning. This was my baby boy, my Matthew. I was so glad he was finally here.
What happened next was a whirlwind. He got checked out by nurses, his daddy fed him his first bottle...
It was a really big comfort to have one of my oldest friends, Sara, there to take pictures and be there for us. It was a day I'd talked about with her for as long as we'd been friends, and it meant everything in the world to me that she was there. We may not be as close as we were before, but it was nice to see that the big moments were still able to be shared with her. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sara. It wouldn't have been the same without you there. =)
We got taken to our room. People came and went, and the next few days were full of figuring out (a little belatedly, sadly) that we were under-feeding him and trying to sleep and forcing myself to walk around some. I was surprised to find that the women I'd talked to were right: a c-section wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. I was sore, no doubt. But I feel like I healed pretty quickly. I will not be nearly as nervous if we have another baby, that was so much easier than I anticipated.
So that is the story of the best day. Ever. I am so thankful to my family, my friends, my as-always wonderful and loving husband for being the rock while I fell apart beforehand...but mostly I'm thankful for our wonderful blessing the Lord gave to us. It's been a crazy 14 weeks, and I certainly was nervous starting out. But Andrew and I are settling into being a mommy and a daddy very well. We love Matthew more than we could ever have imagined we would. He's such a happy, silly, beautiful little boy. Each smile makes any high maintenance moments worth it (and there are many, haha, he is a needy little thing). I borrowed Craig Ferguson's expression "cheeky monkey" and it's my special nickname for Matthew. It fits doubly because he has chubby cheeks, haha.
And finally, I want to offer a big thanks and apology to all of you who had to endure my complaining for so long. You were all right, as you knew you would be. I knew it too, deep down...that every nauseous and painful and uncomfortable moment would be more than worth it once he was here and in my arms. I couldn't be happier with our little family, my heart just is so full of love for my boys. <3>
