Matthew holding the necklace my sister bought me honoring Baby Evan.
A year ago today
Was a day like any other.
Well, that's not exactly true.
This day I was a mother.
A mother waiting eagerly,
To see my little bean.
Tears filled Daddy's eyes, and mine,
To see our baby on that screen.
"There's just one," the doctor said.
Which made this momma blue.
For I'd been so sure in my heart
That I was carrying two.
Joy returned quite quickly, though
We were parents now!
Here was the answer to our prayers.
Then, a doctor's furrowed brow...
We knew something was wrong,
We didn't have any clues.
The silence screamed so loud
Before he finally broke the news.
"There is a second heartbeat,
Dr. Douglas will explain it more.
The baby's still up in the tube."
...my heart crashed to the floor.
I knew what 'ectopic' meant,
But Andrew looked unsure.
I don't know much what happened next,
It all was such a blur.
The baby would not survive,
Dr. Douglas explained to me.
To save myself and our other child
Would require a surgery.
"It's very rare to have caught this"
Most ectopics aren't alive.
The miraculous thing was that OUR baby
Had somehow managed to thrive.
That night I had two babies
Nestled in my womb.
And I spoke to them softly
As I laid there in my room.
I told them I was sorry,
For what? I didn't know.
All I knew was I had a child
That on this earth I would not know.
We named the baby Evan James.
He was a boy, I just "knew."
But I thought Matthew was a girl,
Maybe I mixed up the two.
Evan might be my baby girl,
It doesn't matter either way.
What matters is a heartbeat was heard,
And I'm thankful everyday.
Had that heartbeat not been strong
I might not be around.
Matthew would not be here now,
Sleeping safe and sound.
I think of Evan often,
With Matthew tonight, I pray
For that beautiful tiny heartbeat
That gave us both this day.
I love you, sweet sweet Evan.
We may be physically apart,
But you're our guardian angel,
And I keep you in my heart.
I never got to kiss your face.
I never saw you smile.
I would give almost anything
To hold you for awhile.
Our time in Heaven will arrive
And I can promise you
When I finally see your precious face
That will be the first thing that I do.
But until then I will be right here,
With Matthew and Daddy, too.
And everyday until we meet again
We will forever be thankful for you.
