I was telling an old friend this weekend that I have been very excited and hopeful and optimistic since day one. I didn't let the back to back classes and overwhelming amount of paperwork and information dampen my spirits. Not once.
My hopes and excitement are still high. But the nervousness is starting to creep into my mind. We feel like we are still learning to roll with the punches as we navigate the toddler years with Matthew. And soon, possibly VERY soon, we will have 2-3 more children in our home. Ages we have never parented. School age, which means homework and projects. Possible issues like bullying or behavioral or lack of studying/focus to tackle. Extracurricular activities and sports. We will be buying and making food for more than our little family of three. We will need to buy a whole new life for 2-3 more people. Clothes and room decorations and toys and fun stuff and practical stuff. My much anticipated mini van (I cannot explain how excited I am about this part, haha).
Life is going to just completely turn into something we won't recognize. And through all of the "normal" changes, we will be trying to bond and attach to our kiddos. Building trust and reassuring them that we are their permanent home.
And the weight of ALL of that is finally starting to hit me. I still could not be more excited, truly. But I am wondering if they will like me. Will they get along with Matthew right away? Will I know what to say when they are missing their biological family? Will I know how to comfort children missing the only family they have known, as I am trying to find my place in their heart?
I hope the answer is "yes" to all of those, haha. I have amazing friends that keep reassuring me that I am strong and loving and can handle this. I know they are right, this is just such a huge event for Andrew and me.
We have finished submitting everything we can. Our home study is done, and we are waiting to hear that Buckner has approved our home study. Once that happens, I think we are finally able to be considered when CPS puts the bulletins out about kids in need of a home. The waiting is going to drive me nuts, haha, I am so impatient.
But I know that the light at the end of the tunnel, which I can finally start to see, is going to be worth every single second. I am anxiously awaiting the moment I get to meet my kids for the first time. =)
