My relationship with God isn’t one that a lot of people would “count”, I guess. I wasn’t raised in a Christian household, I don’t ever remember going to Sunday School. The only time I went to church was on Christmas Eve, with my grandmother, because I loved the Christmas music they mixed in with the service. I didn’t pray as a child. My first real encounter with anything religious was when my mom made me go through Confirmation classes when I was in the 9th grade. It was not a pleasant experience. I was shy and awkward, and the other kids in the class all knew each other and were very elitist. They never made any point to talk to me or get to know me, and I didn’t bother with them. I spent our retreat crying in my room because I wanted to go home. The only thing I got out of Confirmation was the day Father Moore came and talked to our class about God and faith. And I can pinpoint that as the moment I became curious about God. I was still young enough that I kept doing what I was used to: which meant still no church-going. But I started praying, mostly for childish things at the time (please let Trey Lansford notice me, please let me pass this science test, etc). But I always had a prayer for God to “make me happy” with my life; for a lot of reasons I wasn’t happy for the first part of my life…and I so desperately wanted to be.
As time has gone by, people have come into my life that have made an impact on me, whether I knew it at the time or not. I am getting into the habit of going to church every week, it’s still taking some getting used to. Between work and running errands and hanging out with my husband and my friends…it’s something I still need to get better at. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been, and I find myself missing it. Going is a comfort now, not a horrible chore. I have a relationship with God now, and it may not look like it is “supposed” to for others, but it’s special and it’s mine and it’s constantly growing and evolving. I find myself praying for others before praying for myself, a concept I wouldn’t have considered as a selfish teenager. What I DON’T pray for is for God to “make me happy” anymore. Through the people He has brought into my life over the last 10+ years and through the experiences He has given me…I can honestly say that I’m happy. There was no one thing. It was growing up and finding my way to God and having the positive, loving, supportive people He crossed my path with.
And so now, for Lent, I am inspired: not to give up sugar or social media or any number of things I will go right back to in full force once Lent is over, but to reflect back on/thank/acknowledge the people and events I am so blessed to have had in my life. I know most people I mention won’t ever read what I type out in the coming days about them, but that’s okay. It’s not as much about them knowing how they affected my life (although I would love for them to know, of course) as it is about me thanking God for answering my prayer in His wonderfully unexpected way.
I have some catching up to do since I got inspired a little late. I have to catch up on three days worth. By tomorrow it will be four. I'm too tired to do it tonight, so I will post about four people tomorrow. These won't be long blog posts for the most part, so don't worry.
Beautiful post, Jamie! So heartfelt. To me, there is no "right" way to have a relationship with God, as long one tries to have one. Church or synagogue or mosque or forest or none of the above; God, Adonia, Alla, or none of those; it's all about a connection with an awesome Spirit that has the power to change lives. Blessings, Michelle
ReplyDelete