Lord, thank you for the many blessings you have given me in my life. I am grateful for my husband and my family, my friends, my home, the food on my table, my job, the life lessons I’ve had, and just every minute of every day since the moment I was born. This Lent blog journey has shown me how truly blessed my life has been, even when I felt like everything was all wrong. I look forward to the rest of my life here on this earth, living your plan for me. I hope to continue to grow spiritually and be worthy of a place in your Kingdom when it is my time. Words just cannot encompass my gratitude and love, but you know what is in my heart even more than I do.
I’m thankful to the Lord and to all of you who were mentioned in this blog. I am TRULY blessed, I love my life! Thank you for reading my blogs these last 46 days, it’s been a fun trip down Memory Lane. =)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Day 46: This One Is Hard to Talk About...
Everyone has things in their life that they aren’t proud of, and I am no exception. In 2007, I reconnected with a girl who had been part of our circle of friends in high school. She hadn’t been someone I’d been particularly close with, but we’d liked each other well enough. I’d been much more reserved back then, and this girl was the opposite. When we all graduated and started going to different schools, she and I did not keep in touch.
When the Myspace craze erupted, I was addicted. We reconnected through there and realized we got along really well: we’d grown into people that liked each other’s company a lot. She was back in town, and we began hanging out weekly. We’d go to Two Rows on the Tollway every Wednesday for dollar beer night and yummy, greasy food. It soon turned into a big group thing, with anywhere from five to ten people there every week. The waiters mostly all knew us, we had a blast!
This girl had a bit of a complicated love life. She had a boyfriend that was living with her at her mom’s house. She also had a guy that she had known for a long time on the side. Her “booty call”, if you will. She cared more about him than her actual boyfriend, but for some reason she just refused to break up with her boyfriend. Since Jeremy, her guy-on-the-side, had been coming to Two Rows with her, we’d all gotten to know him. We felt sorry for him, too, because it was obvious he cared about her. He ended up leaving her because she wouldn’t pick him.
This is the part that isn’t so pretty. He and I had been texting and e-mailing right as they were breaking it off and at some point he asked me to go to dinner with him. My head was telling me “Girl Code” strictly forbade this, but I did it anyway. He and I hit it off and started seeing each other. The day I told my friend was awful. I’d been going back and forth about how I should say it, and of course Sara had been a great listener while I talked everything through about how to do it. I told her that this wasn’t something that was EVER in my nature to do, and yet I was doing it. I remember so well how much I stressed that I didn’t understand why I was doing this, but yet it just seemed right.
So I had my friend meet me in front of a Target in Garland. And when I told her what had been going on, she was devastated. She didn’t throw Girl Code in my face, she actually said she was worried about ME, that he was going to break my heart. I didn’t really ever talk to her again, she was too hurt and completely shut me out.
Jeremy and I were together for about a month and a half when he broke up with me via text message. That was Labor Day weekend in 2008, I was dog-sitting for a friend. I was crushed, and I was so angry with him for being such a coward. I decided I wasn’t going to sit around crying about it for long, I promptly renewed my eHarmony membership for three months.
Three months later, my account automatically renewed because I’d forgotten to cancel it in time. Nothing had come from being on again, and I was done with it for awhile. But now I was roped in for another three months. Two days later, I was matched with a guy named Andrew Dudek…and the rest, as they say, is history. =)
I wholeheartedly believe that this girl was brought back into my life to set these events in motion to bring me to Andrew. God’s plan. And I am more thankful to her than she will ever know. That doesn’t make hurting her any easier, though, and I wish it hadn’t been her. She refuses to allow me to apologize, and I can’t say that I blame her. It doesn’t stop me from trying, though. Every now and again I send her messages through Facebook (along with a friend request I know she’ll never accept) and try to explain that hurting her is something I wish didn’t have to happen. I can’t even imagine how I must sound to her, but I keep hoping against hope that someday, somehow she’ll understand.
Candy…I know you’ll probably never read this. But I think about you all the time, and I hope that someday you are able to forgive me. I know you feel betrayed and backstabbed and that you hate my guts. I deserve that. I know that you were reading Rick Warren’s book when everything fell apart in our friendship, and so I hope that one day you look back and see how what happened was all part of getting YOU onto the path you were meant to be on. Just like what happened was necessary, I believe, to bring me to Andrew, what happened will be meaningful (in a good way) to you when all is said and done. I pray that you are able to finally listen to my apology and forgive me on that day. I will never stop trying to reach out to you. I don’t regret what happened…how could I? My life now is everything I ever wanted it to be, Andrew is my “one.” What I regret is that it was you who had to get the raw end of that deal. I flashback to the day I told you about me and Jeremy every time I pass that Target. I have never stabbed a friend in the back like that, it is NOT who I am. But it was who I was that day, and it is something I’m not proud of. I hope eventually that you realize I am sincere when I say that I am sorry I hurt you, Candy. I’m so, so sorry.
When the Myspace craze erupted, I was addicted. We reconnected through there and realized we got along really well: we’d grown into people that liked each other’s company a lot. She was back in town, and we began hanging out weekly. We’d go to Two Rows on the Tollway every Wednesday for dollar beer night and yummy, greasy food. It soon turned into a big group thing, with anywhere from five to ten people there every week. The waiters mostly all knew us, we had a blast!
This girl had a bit of a complicated love life. She had a boyfriend that was living with her at her mom’s house. She also had a guy that she had known for a long time on the side. Her “booty call”, if you will. She cared more about him than her actual boyfriend, but for some reason she just refused to break up with her boyfriend. Since Jeremy, her guy-on-the-side, had been coming to Two Rows with her, we’d all gotten to know him. We felt sorry for him, too, because it was obvious he cared about her. He ended up leaving her because she wouldn’t pick him.
This is the part that isn’t so pretty. He and I had been texting and e-mailing right as they were breaking it off and at some point he asked me to go to dinner with him. My head was telling me “Girl Code” strictly forbade this, but I did it anyway. He and I hit it off and started seeing each other. The day I told my friend was awful. I’d been going back and forth about how I should say it, and of course Sara had been a great listener while I talked everything through about how to do it. I told her that this wasn’t something that was EVER in my nature to do, and yet I was doing it. I remember so well how much I stressed that I didn’t understand why I was doing this, but yet it just seemed right.
So I had my friend meet me in front of a Target in Garland. And when I told her what had been going on, she was devastated. She didn’t throw Girl Code in my face, she actually said she was worried about ME, that he was going to break my heart. I didn’t really ever talk to her again, she was too hurt and completely shut me out.
Jeremy and I were together for about a month and a half when he broke up with me via text message. That was Labor Day weekend in 2008, I was dog-sitting for a friend. I was crushed, and I was so angry with him for being such a coward. I decided I wasn’t going to sit around crying about it for long, I promptly renewed my eHarmony membership for three months.
Three months later, my account automatically renewed because I’d forgotten to cancel it in time. Nothing had come from being on again, and I was done with it for awhile. But now I was roped in for another three months. Two days later, I was matched with a guy named Andrew Dudek…and the rest, as they say, is history. =)
I wholeheartedly believe that this girl was brought back into my life to set these events in motion to bring me to Andrew. God’s plan. And I am more thankful to her than she will ever know. That doesn’t make hurting her any easier, though, and I wish it hadn’t been her. She refuses to allow me to apologize, and I can’t say that I blame her. It doesn’t stop me from trying, though. Every now and again I send her messages through Facebook (along with a friend request I know she’ll never accept) and try to explain that hurting her is something I wish didn’t have to happen. I can’t even imagine how I must sound to her, but I keep hoping against hope that someday, somehow she’ll understand.
Candy…I know you’ll probably never read this. But I think about you all the time, and I hope that someday you are able to forgive me. I know you feel betrayed and backstabbed and that you hate my guts. I deserve that. I know that you were reading Rick Warren’s book when everything fell apart in our friendship, and so I hope that one day you look back and see how what happened was all part of getting YOU onto the path you were meant to be on. Just like what happened was necessary, I believe, to bring me to Andrew, what happened will be meaningful (in a good way) to you when all is said and done. I pray that you are able to finally listen to my apology and forgive me on that day. I will never stop trying to reach out to you. I don’t regret what happened…how could I? My life now is everything I ever wanted it to be, Andrew is my “one.” What I regret is that it was you who had to get the raw end of that deal. I flashback to the day I told you about me and Jeremy every time I pass that Target. I have never stabbed a friend in the back like that, it is NOT who I am. But it was who I was that day, and it is something I’m not proud of. I hope eventually that you realize I am sincere when I say that I am sorry I hurt you, Candy. I’m so, so sorry.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Day 45: Joy Is In the Simple Things...
Good hair days, a great sale, air-conditioned malls in summer, Dewey snuggling at my feet, a hot shower, making that green light that’s always red, a favorite song, books, a baby’s belly laugh, tiny flowers in the middle of a parking lot, snow days, backrubs, Egyptian cotton sheets, waking up next to Andrew, watching Dewey’s whole body wiggle before the pounce, laughing with friends over drinks, hearing the song that has been stuck in your head all day.
Smells like freshly brewed coffee, a new car, sizzling bacon, baking bread, cinnamon, barbeque, clean babies, warm vanilla sugar body lotion from Bath and Body Works.
The taste of homemade chicken pot pie, gooey chocolate chip cookies, fudgy brownies, cheesecake, hot chocolate with marshmallows, chocolate, the perfect PB&J (creamy peanut butter with grape jelly), a cold glass of chocolate milk, fondue, Saturday morning pancakes, Hormel’s Little Sizzlers maple sausage links.
Love. Faith. Hope.
I love the little things in life. Take a moment today, on Good Friday, to thank God for the little things in YOUR life. Bless you all!
Smells like freshly brewed coffee, a new car, sizzling bacon, baking bread, cinnamon, barbeque, clean babies, warm vanilla sugar body lotion from Bath and Body Works.
The taste of homemade chicken pot pie, gooey chocolate chip cookies, fudgy brownies, cheesecake, hot chocolate with marshmallows, chocolate, the perfect PB&J (creamy peanut butter with grape jelly), a cold glass of chocolate milk, fondue, Saturday morning pancakes, Hormel’s Little Sizzlers maple sausage links.
Love. Faith. Hope.
I love the little things in life. Take a moment today, on Good Friday, to thank God for the little things in YOUR life. Bless you all!
Day 44: Bullying
I was not popular growing up. I know, I know…you are all thoroughly shocked to hear this, seeing as how you find me witty and charming and charismatic, with a winning disposition. ;)
But no, I wasn’t popular. It’s funny (and by “funny” I mean “sad”), but I had one friend every year in elementary school. And it was never the SAME friend. After the summer was over and we’d all go back to school, I would find that my “best friend” from the year before was now part of the popular group. Second grade, Maggie McCauley and I were great friends. Her family was rich (she’s the granddaughter of the Owens Sausage guy), and I was constantly hanging out at her big house and going out with her family. One night, we ate dinner in the restaurant on top of Reunion Tower. Yeah. It was awesome!! =)
But in my third grade year, she was with Maddie Franklin and Ivy Hopkins and Whitney Hamiter: the trifecta of evil that was the head of the popular group. It never failed. If I had a friend, they were snatched up the next year. I was teased and shunned. I was even pushed off of the swing sets and told to get out of the big concrete tunnels on the playground because that was where secret club meetings were held, and Lord knows I wasn’t invited to any of THOSE.
Luckily, junior high brought an end to being picked on. I still wasn’t popular, but I was politely ignored through my junior high and high school years. I gathered a small group of friends, and was content with that.
Kids are cruel, and I learned that the hard way. To this day my parents think I exaggerate about how miserable I was at school as a kid, so you can imagine why I never went to them as a kid. I hope to be there for my kids should they ever fall victim to mean kids; and they’re bound to, it’s tough to escape some kind of criticism these days. You hear about teenagers committing suicide from bullying on the news all the time now, and it makes me sad for them. And often times, the parents had no idea. I was never teased to that point, and I can’t imagine the torment that was so bad they thought death was the only way to make it stop…
I wish I could say being so unpopular as a kid gave me thick skin, but that just isn’t true. I am still super sensitive about a lot of things. But that’s okay, it doesn’t bother ME. ;) It DID cause me to not go after anyone in that manner, though. It’s obviously part of who I am today, and I LIKE who I am today. =)
But no, I wasn’t popular. It’s funny (and by “funny” I mean “sad”), but I had one friend every year in elementary school. And it was never the SAME friend. After the summer was over and we’d all go back to school, I would find that my “best friend” from the year before was now part of the popular group. Second grade, Maggie McCauley and I were great friends. Her family was rich (she’s the granddaughter of the Owens Sausage guy), and I was constantly hanging out at her big house and going out with her family. One night, we ate dinner in the restaurant on top of Reunion Tower. Yeah. It was awesome!! =)
But in my third grade year, she was with Maddie Franklin and Ivy Hopkins and Whitney Hamiter: the trifecta of evil that was the head of the popular group. It never failed. If I had a friend, they were snatched up the next year. I was teased and shunned. I was even pushed off of the swing sets and told to get out of the big concrete tunnels on the playground because that was where secret club meetings were held, and Lord knows I wasn’t invited to any of THOSE.
Luckily, junior high brought an end to being picked on. I still wasn’t popular, but I was politely ignored through my junior high and high school years. I gathered a small group of friends, and was content with that.
Kids are cruel, and I learned that the hard way. To this day my parents think I exaggerate about how miserable I was at school as a kid, so you can imagine why I never went to them as a kid. I hope to be there for my kids should they ever fall victim to mean kids; and they’re bound to, it’s tough to escape some kind of criticism these days. You hear about teenagers committing suicide from bullying on the news all the time now, and it makes me sad for them. And often times, the parents had no idea. I was never teased to that point, and I can’t imagine the torment that was so bad they thought death was the only way to make it stop…
I wish I could say being so unpopular as a kid gave me thick skin, but that just isn’t true. I am still super sensitive about a lot of things. But that’s okay, it doesn’t bother ME. ;) It DID cause me to not go after anyone in that manner, though. It’s obviously part of who I am today, and I LIKE who I am today. =)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Day 43: Crepuscular Rays
You know how when you’re driving, you’ll look over where the sun is setting, and you see what looks like a wall of light, the rays of sunshine are just fanned out from the clouds? That’s what crepuscular rays are. And they are my FAVORITE thing in nature. I really and truly get a sense of peace when I see them. Nine times out of ten when I see them, I’ve had a rough day or something is on my mind that is upsetting…and seeing them makes me feel like everything’s going to be okay. In fact, I love them so much (and I didn’t have any extracurricular activities in high school) that I picked an image for the side of my class ring that had crepuscular rays on it. I love them!! They always put a smile on my face when I need it, and I’m glad that the sun and the clouds make such a beautiful sight.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Day 42: Proud to Be An American
I am thankful almost DAILY that I live in the U.S.A.! I read the news at work every morning, and I read these things about other countries and their lifestyles and all that. I’m glad I live in a country where I can do what I want (within reason, of course). I can have a job, I don’t have to walk x-number of paces behind my husband, and I was able to choose my own husband. Women all over the world don’t have the same rights I do, and it’s sad. This is obviously not a perfect place, America has its own issues. I’m honest enough to admit that I am relieved I live in a country where there’s indoor plumbing for bathing, and I have a roof over my head rather than a tent or a bunch of straw. I am spoiled, but I try not to take everything for granted.
Andrew and I watch The Amazing Race, and the contestants go to India and China and you see lifestyles and cultures that just make you shake your head and go, “I couldn’t do that…” The truth is that we COULD if that’s where we were born. But we live in America, where things that so many others would consider luxurious are everyday things for us. We get annoyed to sit in traffic or stand in line at a grocery store. We all need to be grateful for air conditioned cars and air conditioned buildings. We don’t have to saddle up a mule and get out on jam-packed streets in sweltering heat to go to an open market.
God bless the U.S.A.! I can’t imagine living anywhere else!
Andrew and I watch The Amazing Race, and the contestants go to India and China and you see lifestyles and cultures that just make you shake your head and go, “I couldn’t do that…” The truth is that we COULD if that’s where we were born. But we live in America, where things that so many others would consider luxurious are everyday things for us. We get annoyed to sit in traffic or stand in line at a grocery store. We all need to be grateful for air conditioned cars and air conditioned buildings. We don’t have to saddle up a mule and get out on jam-packed streets in sweltering heat to go to an open market.
God bless the U.S.A.! I can’t imagine living anywhere else!
Day 41: Movies and TV
I ran out of people and life experiences pretty quickly, so some of these are really reaching, haha. But when I was growing up, playing outside wasn’t something we did very often. I spent a lot of my time trying to avoid playing with my oh-so-obnoxious little brother (love ya, Robert!!), and so I watched a lot of TV shows and movies. I remember I used to recite the movie The Princess Bride at night when my sister and I shared a room; I watched it that many times. That was back in the days of beta max (you couldn’t find a teenager who knows what the heck that is nowadays…I’m old), when we had episodes of Strawberry Shortcake (best show ever!!!) and the movie Flight of the Navigator recorded.
I loved Full House, I Love Lucy, and Lois and Clark and practically every Disney movie ever made. I got most of my ideas about how life and love were supposed to be from the things I watched growing up. Everything had happy endings and good always beat evil. You would be hard pressed to find someone that says life ends up like it does in the movies…unless you asked ME.
Because my life HAS ended up like a movie. Open on a less-than-perfect childhood, me feeling unattractive, fat, and worthless my whole life. Enter series of friends and side kicks that help me cope and experiences that help me grow. Montage of a couple of bad relationships. Enter love, one that is EVERYTHING it should be. It’s EXACTLY like a movie: we argue, but the love that is always there outshines everything and we work through our issues the way we are supposed to. It’s a constant thing to work at. But I feel like my life right now is what you assume carries on when a movie rolls the credits and everyone is happy: that life goes on and good things come to the main characters, with downs to go with the ups.
I can throw out movie lines in ANY everyday conversation (and usually do, as my sister and husband will attest to!). I worked at Blockbuster, I’ve seen hundreds of movies in the theater in my lifetime, I’m sure. I LOVE MOVIES. They are one of my favorite things in life. And I love TV shows, especially reality. Shows like American Idol, Biggest Loser, and even The Bachelor/Bachelorette appeal to my love of people achieving their dreams, whatever that may be. My life would be very different without the love of movies and TV I have, I would be a very different person. So in a random way, haha, I’m grateful for growing up in front of the TV. =)
I loved Full House, I Love Lucy, and Lois and Clark and practically every Disney movie ever made. I got most of my ideas about how life and love were supposed to be from the things I watched growing up. Everything had happy endings and good always beat evil. You would be hard pressed to find someone that says life ends up like it does in the movies…unless you asked ME.
Because my life HAS ended up like a movie. Open on a less-than-perfect childhood, me feeling unattractive, fat, and worthless my whole life. Enter series of friends and side kicks that help me cope and experiences that help me grow. Montage of a couple of bad relationships. Enter love, one that is EVERYTHING it should be. It’s EXACTLY like a movie: we argue, but the love that is always there outshines everything and we work through our issues the way we are supposed to. It’s a constant thing to work at. But I feel like my life right now is what you assume carries on when a movie rolls the credits and everyone is happy: that life goes on and good things come to the main characters, with downs to go with the ups.
I can throw out movie lines in ANY everyday conversation (and usually do, as my sister and husband will attest to!). I worked at Blockbuster, I’ve seen hundreds of movies in the theater in my lifetime, I’m sure. I LOVE MOVIES. They are one of my favorite things in life. And I love TV shows, especially reality. Shows like American Idol, Biggest Loser, and even The Bachelor/Bachelorette appeal to my love of people achieving their dreams, whatever that may be. My life would be very different without the love of movies and TV I have, I would be a very different person. So in a random way, haha, I’m grateful for growing up in front of the TV. =)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Day 40: Susan Eason
My aunt has been there for me during some rough patches in my life. She’s loaned me money when I needed it. She had me come stay with her for a week in Austin after I graduated high school, and we had so much fun shopping and relaxing. She has let me crash over the weekend with her when I’ve needed to get a last minute break from stress and problems in Dallas. She’s listened to boy troubles, family troubles, friend troubles, you name it. She’s a breast cancer survivor, and she invited me down to do a 5k with her to celebrate living and support the cause a few years ago.
Susan, you’re as silly as they come. You have loved and supported me through all sorts of dysfunctions in the family, and I have appreciated everything you’ve done for me over the years. I’ve been lucky to have you in my life. I miss you tons, Andrew and I have GOT to get down there to visit sometime soon! As long as you promise not to go TOO overboard with the crazy nicknames, haha! =)
Susan, you’re as silly as they come. You have loved and supported me through all sorts of dysfunctions in the family, and I have appreciated everything you’ve done for me over the years. I’ve been lucky to have you in my life. I miss you tons, Andrew and I have GOT to get down there to visit sometime soon! As long as you promise not to go TOO overboard with the crazy nicknames, haha! =)
Day 39: Standing Up For Myself
My parents weren’t ever there for me emotionally. I grew up feeling very unloved, and there are issues to this day that have created rifts in my relationship with my parents. It makes me sad…I certainly don’t want to NOT have my parents in my life. I’ve finally been pushed to a point where I’m done letting things slide, I stand up for myself and I stand up for what’s right. I’ve been wanting to stand up for myself to my parents for as long as I can remember, and I am SO THANKFUL that I’ve finally done it. I’m still hoping the outcome changes and fences can be mended.
The best part is that this change has brought around a sense of peace that grows more and more everyday. I’m not constantly stressed out about whatever is going on at any given moment, I’m not always fighting back the words that were trying to hard to escape my lips. I’ve said everything I wanted to say, which has allowed me to let go of that anger. It happened slowly…but recently I spent an hour at my mother’s house while Andrew set up a computer we brought over for them, and we small talked the whole time. I left knowing nothing had changed between us, I was still sticking to my guns on our issues, but also knowing that I’m not angry anymore. I’ve said what I needed to say, and that’s all I can do. I am 100% sure that I did the right thing, I can FEEL it. It has since encouraged me, and Andrew as well, to do the right thing in tough situations where our first instinct might be to do something else.
My husband and I are a team. We stand up for ourselves and each other to family or with any other problems that come our way. I got that from my parents, in a weird way, they pushed me to the point where I finally took a stand. It took a couple of decades, but I’ve finally come through on the other side of pain and anger and resentment. And I am so thankful for that.
The best part is that this change has brought around a sense of peace that grows more and more everyday. I’m not constantly stressed out about whatever is going on at any given moment, I’m not always fighting back the words that were trying to hard to escape my lips. I’ve said everything I wanted to say, which has allowed me to let go of that anger. It happened slowly…but recently I spent an hour at my mother’s house while Andrew set up a computer we brought over for them, and we small talked the whole time. I left knowing nothing had changed between us, I was still sticking to my guns on our issues, but also knowing that I’m not angry anymore. I’ve said what I needed to say, and that’s all I can do. I am 100% sure that I did the right thing, I can FEEL it. It has since encouraged me, and Andrew as well, to do the right thing in tough situations where our first instinct might be to do something else.
My husband and I are a team. We stand up for ourselves and each other to family or with any other problems that come our way. I got that from my parents, in a weird way, they pushed me to the point where I finally took a stand. It took a couple of decades, but I’ve finally come through on the other side of pain and anger and resentment. And I am so thankful for that.
Day 38: My Parents
I do not wish to be disrespectful towards my parents, but I have to do a post about them. My childhood obviously plays a huge part in who I am today. And I like the person I am, finally, and Andrew loves me. So I have to “thank” my parents for certain things that contributed to my life. I want to try to find silver lining and put a positive spin on things…
My parents fought a lot. Heck, they STILL fight a lot. It’s just what they do. It was tough to watch growing up, and I admit there were nights I’d lay in bed listening and I’d cry and cry. Everything was intense and name-calling was brutal. I eventually learned that while everyone’s parents fought, not everyone’s parents fought the way MY parents did. I was jealous. I was jealous of normal family dinners and family vacations and just a mostly loving environment. The good thing that ended up coming out of that is that, while I didn’t have parents to look up to with regards to how a marriage should be, I did have an example of what NOT to do. I knew I didn’t want to be like that with my husband, and I know Andrew will agree with me when I say we are NOT like that. I have never yelled at him, and he has never yelled at me. We argue, of course: we’re human. But we don’t raise our voices to each other and we don’t lash out with words to hurt each other. When we do have a disagreement, we work really hard to communicate our feelings and thoughts so we can resolve it as quickly as we can. We get better and better, it’s something we will always work at and we are proud of how well we do.
I also hope to learn how to treat my kids from the way I WASN’T treated. When my mother and I fought, we would do the silent treatment thing until we slowly started talking again and moved on acting like nothing happened. This is not the way to handle a disagreement, and I hope to always remember those times when my kids get upset with me. I want to talk things through with them and let them know through it all that I love them so much. That is my goal, and I feel strongly enough about it that I feel I’ll be alright.
I love my parents and want only good things for them, and I hope that they both know that. Good or bad, they are my parents. They played a part in making me who I am today, like I’ve said, and so I thank them for that. They obviously weren’t perfect, but I suppose they did the best that they knew how to do in the circumstances.
My parents fought a lot. Heck, they STILL fight a lot. It’s just what they do. It was tough to watch growing up, and I admit there were nights I’d lay in bed listening and I’d cry and cry. Everything was intense and name-calling was brutal. I eventually learned that while everyone’s parents fought, not everyone’s parents fought the way MY parents did. I was jealous. I was jealous of normal family dinners and family vacations and just a mostly loving environment. The good thing that ended up coming out of that is that, while I didn’t have parents to look up to with regards to how a marriage should be, I did have an example of what NOT to do. I knew I didn’t want to be like that with my husband, and I know Andrew will agree with me when I say we are NOT like that. I have never yelled at him, and he has never yelled at me. We argue, of course: we’re human. But we don’t raise our voices to each other and we don’t lash out with words to hurt each other. When we do have a disagreement, we work really hard to communicate our feelings and thoughts so we can resolve it as quickly as we can. We get better and better, it’s something we will always work at and we are proud of how well we do.
I also hope to learn how to treat my kids from the way I WASN’T treated. When my mother and I fought, we would do the silent treatment thing until we slowly started talking again and moved on acting like nothing happened. This is not the way to handle a disagreement, and I hope to always remember those times when my kids get upset with me. I want to talk things through with them and let them know through it all that I love them so much. That is my goal, and I feel strongly enough about it that I feel I’ll be alright.
I love my parents and want only good things for them, and I hope that they both know that. Good or bad, they are my parents. They played a part in making me who I am today, like I’ve said, and so I thank them for that. They obviously weren’t perfect, but I suppose they did the best that they knew how to do in the circumstances.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 37: Modern Medicine
I didn’t have the smoothest of childhoods. I was blessed compared to so many, but emotionally I was in hell. I had no self esteem, no confidence, and no one telling me I was good enough. Naturally, I cried a lot. I withdrew into myself and hid. It was how I chose to cope, and it wasn’t long before my mother decided I had depression. I used to get so angry when I’d hear her tell people I used to hide in my closet, “such a dark child.” In reality, I would go inside my closet to cry. My mother got angry when she’d see me crying after I’d gotten yelled at for something. So rather than get yelled out for having the nerve to cry, I’d go where she couldn’t see me. Guess that kinda backfired on me, haha.
I was depressed, for a very long time. There came a day around the time I was a senior in high school, when I stepped into the shower, and broke down. I sat on the floor of the tub and bawled. I just was so miserable. I wasn’t suicidal by any means. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted to be happy. When I was done crying, I went into my mother’s room and told her I wanted to go see someone about getting on depression medication, something she’d been trying to convince me to do my whole life.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin, and I felt a drastic change within a matter of weeks. I was ashamed at first about admitting I needed help, but the doctor explained to me that it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, the areas that fire off chemicals and signals and all that to each other weren’t sending out what they were supposed to, and stress or sadness really showcased this because those emotions trigger these certain areas in your brain. The Wellbutrin acted as a traffic cop, he explained, making sure “traffic” through my brain flowed the way it was supposed to.
I started to feel like the me that I was when nothing was wrong ALL the time, and that was so amazing. It didn’t stop things from making me mad or sad, but it stopped me from feeling so hopeless about it. It’s difficult to explain, because nothing in my life changed: all the stress and bad stuff was still there like before. But I felt different inside about everything. I wasn’t staying awake at night crying myself to sleep. I just slept.
I’ve encountered many people out there that don’t believe in conditions like depression, manic depression, etc. There are just some things you can’t change people’s minds on. I know what my experience was, and I know the medicine made a difference. I was able to get weaned off of it with my doctor’s permission, and I ended up going back on for a brief time not long after I started at Sewell. I’ve been off of all meds for several years now, and I feel better than ever. I have confidence and self esteem that I never had before. I am so glad I made the decision to do what I thought was something I should be ashamed of. It’s not something I am ashamed of anymore. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I was depressed, for a very long time. There came a day around the time I was a senior in high school, when I stepped into the shower, and broke down. I sat on the floor of the tub and bawled. I just was so miserable. I wasn’t suicidal by any means. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted to be happy. When I was done crying, I went into my mother’s room and told her I wanted to go see someone about getting on depression medication, something she’d been trying to convince me to do my whole life.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin, and I felt a drastic change within a matter of weeks. I was ashamed at first about admitting I needed help, but the doctor explained to me that it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, the areas that fire off chemicals and signals and all that to each other weren’t sending out what they were supposed to, and stress or sadness really showcased this because those emotions trigger these certain areas in your brain. The Wellbutrin acted as a traffic cop, he explained, making sure “traffic” through my brain flowed the way it was supposed to.
I started to feel like the me that I was when nothing was wrong ALL the time, and that was so amazing. It didn’t stop things from making me mad or sad, but it stopped me from feeling so hopeless about it. It’s difficult to explain, because nothing in my life changed: all the stress and bad stuff was still there like before. But I felt different inside about everything. I wasn’t staying awake at night crying myself to sleep. I just slept.
I’ve encountered many people out there that don’t believe in conditions like depression, manic depression, etc. There are just some things you can’t change people’s minds on. I know what my experience was, and I know the medicine made a difference. I was able to get weaned off of it with my doctor’s permission, and I ended up going back on for a brief time not long after I started at Sewell. I’ve been off of all meds for several years now, and I feel better than ever. I have confidence and self esteem that I never had before. I am so glad I made the decision to do what I thought was something I should be ashamed of. It’s not something I am ashamed of anymore. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
American Idol: Week 7
I know I didn't blog last week about the results show...I was extremely upset by the bottom three and who ultimately went home. I thought it was total B.S. and I really hope America gets it right this week.
So. Let's get into this week's performances...
Paul is up first (what the heck is he WEARING???) with "Old Time Rock and Roll" and I think it will be PERFECT for him! While there wasn't anything super special about it, he did an excellent job anyways. He's just so unique!
Lauren sang "The Climb" and I'm THRILLED. I think it's an absolutely FABULOUS song, and I have always thought Miley Cyrus ruined it with her cruddy voice. So I was excited to see a GREAT singer sing this great song. I want to buy her version on iTunes...that's how amazing that just was.
Stefano's GOTTA make a comeback this week if he wants to stay. So everything hinges on his song choice, and he chose "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men, and this could really go either way. He's gonna flop or fly. And I personally thought he FLEW. I love this kid. I think he deserves to stay.
Little Scotty picked "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait. I fast-forwarded through him...I just am so bored with him, as adorable as he is. Yawn. Next.
Casey's up next with "Nature Boy" and I think he made the wrong decision. That song is SO LAME. And his rendition of it was SUPER lame. I really feel like Casey is NOT as great as he was in the beginning. He's losing his touch a bit. He's gotta wake up and get real. PS, the judges are on crack.
Haley (GAG!!) sang "Call Me". I cannot stand this chick. I don't see how growling counts as good singing. At least Randy finally was honest about it. But, NEXT.
My Jacob...he picked "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and I think that was GENIUS. It's right up his alley, and he will have so many moments for BIG notes and that is where he truly shines. He showed some restraint throught the first part, so I said, "He better blow at the end..." AND HE DID. I'm totally Team Jacob. =)
Sweet Baby James..."Heavy Metal"? Never heard of it. But it definitely was a great way to end the show. Lots of energy, it sounded like a great song to rock out to. I was digging it!! =)
Bottom three should be Haley (GAG!!), Scotty, and Casey. Just my opinion... ;)
So. Let's get into this week's performances...
Paul is up first (what the heck is he WEARING???) with "Old Time Rock and Roll" and I think it will be PERFECT for him! While there wasn't anything super special about it, he did an excellent job anyways. He's just so unique!
Lauren sang "The Climb" and I'm THRILLED. I think it's an absolutely FABULOUS song, and I have always thought Miley Cyrus ruined it with her cruddy voice. So I was excited to see a GREAT singer sing this great song. I want to buy her version on iTunes...that's how amazing that just was.
Stefano's GOTTA make a comeback this week if he wants to stay. So everything hinges on his song choice, and he chose "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men, and this could really go either way. He's gonna flop or fly. And I personally thought he FLEW. I love this kid. I think he deserves to stay.
Little Scotty picked "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait. I fast-forwarded through him...I just am so bored with him, as adorable as he is. Yawn. Next.
Casey's up next with "Nature Boy" and I think he made the wrong decision. That song is SO LAME. And his rendition of it was SUPER lame. I really feel like Casey is NOT as great as he was in the beginning. He's losing his touch a bit. He's gotta wake up and get real. PS, the judges are on crack.
Haley (GAG!!) sang "Call Me". I cannot stand this chick. I don't see how growling counts as good singing. At least Randy finally was honest about it. But, NEXT.
My Jacob...he picked "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and I think that was GENIUS. It's right up his alley, and he will have so many moments for BIG notes and that is where he truly shines. He showed some restraint throught the first part, so I said, "He better blow at the end..." AND HE DID. I'm totally Team Jacob. =)
Sweet Baby James..."Heavy Metal"? Never heard of it. But it definitely was a great way to end the show. Lots of energy, it sounded like a great song to rock out to. I was digging it!! =)
Bottom three should be Haley (GAG!!), Scotty, and Casey. Just my opinion... ;)
Day 36: Never Having to "Just Say No"
This one won’t be very long, I have ALWAYS been thankful that I have never had drugs cross my path. I know cigarettes and alcohol are technically “drugs” but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve never been offered weed or anything illegal. None of my friends do drugs (unless they are freakishly good at hiding it) so it’s just never been something I’ve had the opportunity to do. I consider myself a pretty rare specimen, haha, most people have had the chance or have tried it just a few times.
I hope and pray my children are able to say the same thing when they are adults, haha.
I hope and pray my children are able to say the same thing when they are adults, haha.
Day 35: Molly Killen
Molly and I were friends from ninth grade until several years after graduation. Molly just turned into someone I couldn’t be friends with anymore. But while we were friends, we were super close. Senior year was a tough year in a way. Rachel, Sara, Molly, and I were the core group of four in the group of friends. Molly had all of us come and pose for pictures in her senior shots, and I still have those pictures to this day…we were all SO CLOSE. But senior year, Sara and Rachel were in the Color Guard while Molly and I were not. They bonded over that and it created sort of a dramatic divide in the friendships. Sara was friends with both of us still, but she and Rachel were hanging out more without us because of trips and practices and things. So Molly and I got much closer, we were inseparable our senior year. I spent lots of time at her house, her parents are some of THE NICEST people you could ever meet. They, like Sara’s parents, always treated me like their daughter. If I’d ever needed them, I know that I could’ve gone to Tom or Mary-Mann with a problem.
I often wish things had turned out differently. When she wasn’t driving me nuts, Molly was an amazing friend. I really thought she’d be standing up with me as a bridesmaid someday, that’s how close we were. Life happens, things and people change…maybe someday we can be friends again. You just never know. ;)
Either way, I DEFINITELY am glad Molly was in my life. She was around for me a lot, and I’ll always be thankful Sara and I sat down at the table with the new girl that first day of Home Ec in the 9th grade.
I often wish things had turned out differently. When she wasn’t driving me nuts, Molly was an amazing friend. I really thought she’d be standing up with me as a bridesmaid someday, that’s how close we were. Life happens, things and people change…maybe someday we can be friends again. You just never know. ;)
Either way, I DEFINITELY am glad Molly was in my life. She was around for me a lot, and I’ll always be thankful Sara and I sat down at the table with the new girl that first day of Home Ec in the 9th grade.
Day 34: Military
I have in-laws in the military, friends in the military, and my brother recently joined the Army National Guard. They, and SO many others, do a job most of us have no calling to do. Oprah did an episode recently where she had Michelle Obama on and other special guests, and they were talking about the military. It touched on how military families don’t ask for help, and how those serving worry constantly about their families back home. Selfishly, I’m glad Andrew and I aren’t military people. I cannot imagine being away from each other, or one of us being away from our future children. There are millions of others like us, who don’t want to serve. But I have a DEEP respect for those that DO serve our country. When we are at church and the part of the service comes where you can offer your prayers silently or aloud for those in need, I mention those in the military. They make sacrifices for me, Andrew, and millions of Americans everyday. I am extremely grateful for that.
Day 33: Ricky Bobby
My 2004 Chevy Cavalier was the best car I’ll ever own. I got him for super cheap, he was in PERFECT condition, and he had just over 16,000 miles on him. I got him in April of 2009…he was awesome. He was quite a change from the Cadillac I had just been in. There weren’t power windows or power locks, it had cloth seats…everything my Cadillac wasn’t. And I can honestly say that I HATED IT when I first sat in it. It just was so…blah. I quickly changed my mind, though, and found myself going way too fast in that car. I’d look down and catch myself speeding and have to constantly adjust. I decided my car just wanted to go fast…thus the name “Ricky Bobby” came to me, and so he became. He was the best car.
On the day I went and placed the order for my dress with my mother, I was rear-ended on the off ramp from one highway to another. I was forced to a complete stop due to traffic, and the lady behind me just didn’t see me. She plowed into me and totaled my poor Ricky Bobby. I hadn’t even had him a full year when that happened. The thing was, I’d paid less than $5000 for him, but since he’d been in such awesome condition, I got about $7000 from the insurance company to put towards a new car. I loved that car like he was a living, breathing friend. And I cried when the body shop guy (whose nickname was Ricky Bobby, haha) told me there really wasn’t any way to fix him. I also cried when I came into work the day they were loading him onto the truck to take him to the junk yard. My poor Ricky Bobby…he was definitely a blessing in my life financially, haha! Cheap to buy, paid off big when I needed another car. And he was a hell of a lot of fun to drive!!
Rest In Pieces, my friend! =)
On the day I went and placed the order for my dress with my mother, I was rear-ended on the off ramp from one highway to another. I was forced to a complete stop due to traffic, and the lady behind me just didn’t see me. She plowed into me and totaled my poor Ricky Bobby. I hadn’t even had him a full year when that happened. The thing was, I’d paid less than $5000 for him, but since he’d been in such awesome condition, I got about $7000 from the insurance company to put towards a new car. I loved that car like he was a living, breathing friend. And I cried when the body shop guy (whose nickname was Ricky Bobby, haha) told me there really wasn’t any way to fix him. I also cried when I came into work the day they were loading him onto the truck to take him to the junk yard. My poor Ricky Bobby…he was definitely a blessing in my life financially, haha! Cheap to buy, paid off big when I needed another car. And he was a hell of a lot of fun to drive!!
Rest In Pieces, my friend! =)
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Day 32: Dewbert Barnaby Dudek
Yes, people, I’m REALLY doing a post about my cat. Let’s face it, I don’t know enough people to post about for Lent. Being shy and reserved makes finding friends a little tough. I can’t complain…this process has shown me how truly blessed I really am, with only a handful (compared to lots of people) of people I can call a friend. I’ve had to do posts about things that have brought me some sense of happiness over the years when I ran out of people. They may seem frivolous, but I’ve been thankful for them in some way, so they count. =)
As does Dewey. I have been around cats my whole life and seen some quirky personalities. But Dewey is one-of-a-kind. He’s THE most unique cat I’ve ever come across. He’s lovingly aggressive (oxymoron, yes, but true), irritating yet adorable…he’s just such a baby. He’s OUR baby, and he’s been a furry child to Andrew and I since the day we brought him home. He gets into things he shouldn’t and needs to be scolded. He loves it when we play with him and randomly wants to snuggle (but mostly he’s a kitty-tough-guy who pretends not to want the affection we force on him, haha). We have to keep him happy and healthy. He has enriched our lives, Andrew and I both agree we can’t imagine him not being around. He’s such a big part of each and every day for us, we are constantly interacting with him and laughing at the silly things he does.
He’s been a great way for Andrew and I to learn patience. Dewey does things that he “knows” he’s not supposed to do and it’s taught us to practice being consistent in our discipline and not to react with anger at the situation. Dewey cries in the middle of the night and wakes us up, which reminds us that sleep is precious, haha, and gives us a small taste (very small, I’m sure!) of what’s to come with a baby someday.
He just makes me smile, and I love him so much. He’s a wonderfully psychotic feline, and my life is definitely blessed with him in it. I know he’s “just a cat,” but he’s mine and I adore him. =)
As does Dewey. I have been around cats my whole life and seen some quirky personalities. But Dewey is one-of-a-kind. He’s THE most unique cat I’ve ever come across. He’s lovingly aggressive (oxymoron, yes, but true), irritating yet adorable…he’s just such a baby. He’s OUR baby, and he’s been a furry child to Andrew and I since the day we brought him home. He gets into things he shouldn’t and needs to be scolded. He loves it when we play with him and randomly wants to snuggle (but mostly he’s a kitty-tough-guy who pretends not to want the affection we force on him, haha). We have to keep him happy and healthy. He has enriched our lives, Andrew and I both agree we can’t imagine him not being around. He’s such a big part of each and every day for us, we are constantly interacting with him and laughing at the silly things he does.
He’s been a great way for Andrew and I to learn patience. Dewey does things that he “knows” he’s not supposed to do and it’s taught us to practice being consistent in our discipline and not to react with anger at the situation. Dewey cries in the middle of the night and wakes us up, which reminds us that sleep is precious, haha, and gives us a small taste (very small, I’m sure!) of what’s to come with a baby someday.
He just makes me smile, and I love him so much. He’s a wonderfully psychotic feline, and my life is definitely blessed with him in it. I know he’s “just a cat,” but he’s mine and I adore him. =)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Day 31: The Good Ones
With all of the not-so-great people at work, there are always those people that make your job worthwhile. People that inspire you to be as amazing as they are, people you look up to. I have been blessed to find a handful of these people throughout the years, people that just epitomize customer service at all times. To name a few of the best ones: thank you Peter, John, another John, Eric, Stanley, Allison, Kevin, Aaron, Steve, Harvey, Craig, Clint…you all do your jobs (seemingly) flawlessly and you are ALWAYS giving it everything, and with a smile on your face to boot. If there were more people like you across the workforce, the world of customer service would be a MUCH better place. Thanks for doing what you do and inspiring me to constantly be better!!
Day 30: Wanda
I thought of Wanda during my post about Vicki, and I had to do a quick thank you to her, wherever she is now. That lady kept a lot of the younger employees sane during our time there. She was such a wise lady. She always pitched in and gave 110%. Every job has that older lady who doesn’t complain too much, loves her coworkers like she’s their momma, and always is pitching in to get things done. That was Wanda. She could get riled up and get angry (we had THE WORST managers ever, a lot of employees quit before corporate finally got rid of them), but mostly she was sweet and always thinking about others. It was my first real job, and I survived as long as I did because Wanda was there to show me a lot of things about the working world. I went up to see her a lot after I quit, and one day I found out she’d transferred to another store in Mesquite. I haven’t seen her in years, but any time I drive by that old Target I think of her. She was a neat lady! Thanks, Wanda, for being there for a couple of teenagers in their first job! You were the best! =)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
American Idol: Week 6, Performances
The theme is rock-and-roll...I am not happy that we don't have celebrity mentors this year. I know that Will.I.Am is there, but it's just not the same. Jacob is up first, singing "Man In the Mirror" which is my FAVORITE Michael Jackson song. He started off great, he showed restraint and it sounded great. I LOVED the way he picked it up and got going. He's my favorite contestant. There's just no denying how great he is. Way to go, Jacob!! Next up is Haley (GAG!!) and she's going for a Janis Joplin song. She did that growling thing WAY too much in the song. It annoys THE CRAP out of me when she does that. I had a hard time not fast-forwarding through the song. I think the judges are drinking more than Coke from those cups. This. Girl. Just. Sucks. Casey sang "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" and I thought it was going to suit his voice and style perfectly. And what ended up happening was that it was just this soft, foot-tapping performance. It was just "nice" to listen to. I don't think he took any risks or did anything to make it spectacular. He had busted out upright bass the for it, but then it didn't really do anything for the song. Not bad at all, but not great. At this stage, you gotta be GREAT. I do need to point out that at this point, J-Lo hasn't interrupted Randy when he's given his critique, haha. Looking good to go a whole night without doing it! Lauren is tackling Aretha's "Natural Woman". I liked everything about it, except her 80's-looking-punk-rock hair. I was glad she finally hit some bigger notes at the end, that song is full of power spots and she didn't take advantage until the end, and she has definitely got the chops to pull it off. This is James's week to totally rock out, and then he pulls out "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"??? It is a HUGE risk. It paid off for Casey last week, so there is a chance he can still pull off a killer performance. The song did show that he has a very good voice, he sang it very well. And he got his bad-ass note in at the end. I think he did great! Scotty is singing an ELVIS SONG!!! Yay!! I remember from the video awhile back that he sounded good singing Elvis, and I'm actually excited to hear his performance. The way he holds his mic just cracks me up, haha. And I thought he showed a bunch of personality and he looked like he was having a blast, I smiled while he was singing. But I thought the song itself was just alright. Nothing super special, but he was so likeable. Flash to Ryan in the audience talking to Christian Slater. He's so precious, I've always loved him!! Pia is singing "River Deep, Mountain High" and it's giving Randy what he's asked for: an uptempo song from her. She did amazing, she's just got an awesome voice...but what the heck was she wearing?? The onesie look with the belt and the National Geographic metal necklace thing...all of it looked absolutely AWFUL. Thank goodness she can sing, haha! Stefano is singing "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Percy Sledge, which is the best version of that song (sorry, Michael Bolton). There's definitely an opportunity for a "moment" for Stefano. Then he starts off with the falsetto, which is NOT his strong suit. But he left it behind on the stairs, thank goodness. He then proceeded to SUH-LAAAAAY the song. Awesome job. I just love this kid. Very hit or miss at times, but when he's good he's SO GOOD. J-Lo finally was back to interrupting Randy this time...she ALMOST made it the whole night, haha. Paul wrapped up the show with Johnny Cash. I'm NOT a Johnny Cash fan, but I am slowly becoming a Paul fan. I thought the song was crap, but him dancing was worth watching it for, haha. He clearly was having a ton of fun, too, and that is fun to watch. Based on the performances I think that the bottom three should be Scotty, Casey, and Haley (GAG!!). Bet you can't guess who I think should go home?? ;)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Day 29: Tanya Woodman
I haven’t known Tanya very long, but that British lady has been so good to me! She was a huge support system for me when we met at my company’s corporate office a few years ago, and we are now both in the same building again, soon to be working alongside each other once more.
Tanya, I’m blessed to have met you. You are the only person who has given me a Valentine’s Day card in my adult life, haha, that little Johnny Depp one from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” The life advice you give is always appreciated and taken to heart. You’re always on my side rooting for me with the office politics, and a true friend in those situations is worth its weight in gold. You’ve got jokes when I need to smile, imaginary plans we WISH we could carry out when we’re feeling vindictive, and encouragement when I’ve needed it most. You’re a bright spot in my work day EVERY day, you’re such a special person. Thanks for everything. “G’day, mate!” Haha! ;)
Tanya, I’m blessed to have met you. You are the only person who has given me a Valentine’s Day card in my adult life, haha, that little Johnny Depp one from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” The life advice you give is always appreciated and taken to heart. You’re always on my side rooting for me with the office politics, and a true friend in those situations is worth its weight in gold. You’ve got jokes when I need to smile, imaginary plans we WISH we could carry out when we’re feeling vindictive, and encouragement when I’ve needed it most. You’re a bright spot in my work day EVERY day, you’re such a special person. Thanks for everything. “G’day, mate!” Haha! ;)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 28: Bad Days at Work
No job is perfect. Everyone’s going to have problems at some point. I’m the kind of person that feels like I’m at work to work…there may be times to relax and goof around, but when work needs to get done, I’m doing it. I get extremely irritated when people will do anything to get OUT of work and they put their work load on me. When people are getting paid to shop online or flirt with any male that walks past them or balance their checkbook, all while I’m sitting there juggling customers, phone calls, spreadsheets, and purchase orders…it gets under my skin like few other things can.
Over the years, I’ve learned that the standard office “open door policy” is NOT for going to your boss to tell them you’re tired of covering for a bunch of lazy nitwits, haha. I’ve been lucky enough to have a boss that ultimately sympathizes with me, but knows it’s just the nature of the business. My boss has been patient almost always every time I have had an issue. It rarely gets FIXED, mind you, but I’ve been heard and I know I’ve done what I can.
I’ve been at my current jobs six years and eight months. I’ve done lots of different things within the company and I give everything I have got from the time I get there until the time I leave. Just recently I was acknowledged with an award I was starting to think I would never get: 110% Club. A recognition I’ve been dying for and I was TRULY honored and thrilled that I got the award. It’s taken a lot of time, and it’s taken a lot of tough lessons, but I have finally gotten it through my head that everyone’s not going to have the same work ethic that I do. That is alright, because I decided at some point that I was going to take on any extra load from others and make sure I let it show that I was a more valuable asset and a reliable employee, and it has worked, haha!
So to all of the less-than-productive people I’ve had the “pleasure” of working with over the years: thank you for teaching me patience and to take things as they come and find a way to make sure I looked that much better for it, haha. =)
Over the years, I’ve learned that the standard office “open door policy” is NOT for going to your boss to tell them you’re tired of covering for a bunch of lazy nitwits, haha. I’ve been lucky enough to have a boss that ultimately sympathizes with me, but knows it’s just the nature of the business. My boss has been patient almost always every time I have had an issue. It rarely gets FIXED, mind you, but I’ve been heard and I know I’ve done what I can.
I’ve been at my current jobs six years and eight months. I’ve done lots of different things within the company and I give everything I have got from the time I get there until the time I leave. Just recently I was acknowledged with an award I was starting to think I would never get: 110% Club. A recognition I’ve been dying for and I was TRULY honored and thrilled that I got the award. It’s taken a lot of time, and it’s taken a lot of tough lessons, but I have finally gotten it through my head that everyone’s not going to have the same work ethic that I do. That is alright, because I decided at some point that I was going to take on any extra load from others and make sure I let it show that I was a more valuable asset and a reliable employee, and it has worked, haha!
So to all of the less-than-productive people I’ve had the “pleasure” of working with over the years: thank you for teaching me patience and to take things as they come and find a way to make sure I looked that much better for it, haha. =)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 27: Vicki Van Ginkel
Oh my goodness. Where do I start, Vicki? Haha!! You and I have had one hell of a friendship. We met in junior high (Go Panthers!), and I remember we used to talk in whatever class it was that we had. You invited me to your birthday party at Six Flags, or something, and my mother wouldn’t let me go because I’d never mentioned your name at home. We stayed friends, though, and senior year we became super close when things in the group got weird with Rachel and Molly fighting all the time. You’d pick me up in your little white truck, and we’d drive around singing Britney Spears songs (especially her version of “I Love Rock and Roll”) at the top of our lungs. I think we saw Crossroads in theaters??? We were such nerds, haha. I remember the night we were going to go see 8 Mile but ended up seeing The Ring, and we were freaking out seeing how many rings there were outside the theater…oh, the drama of teenagers. =)
We used to fight a lot, too. We were both pretty stubborn and dramatic (I know Sara’s nodding right now going, “Yeah you were!”). Heck, we probably are both still that way at times, haha. But what was neat was we would always make up within a matter of hours. There was no silent treatment for days on end and cold shoulders being given at school. We were silly almost all of the time…I miss you living in the same state as me. =)
We worked at the church and Super Target together. Oh my gosh, do you remember putting that store together? We were so excited to get hired together to start that store from an empty building, and we QUICKLY decided it wasn’t fun anymore after putting those shelves and racks together. I think you and I almost single-handedly put together that jewelry section, haha. I think I mention it every time I’m in there (which is rare nowadays) and pass it, going, “I had marks for days putting that section together…” We had fun, though. We were united in our love of Wanda (was she not the BEST??? I may do a post about her, too) and our hatred of those awful managers Kathy and Mariska (or some weird name like that). She was SO PICKY about lining up those clothing racks so you could look from one end of the department to the other and they’d be perfectly aligned…we did have fun during those couple of months, though. Working together made it bearable.
You slept over at my house a lot. My favorite memory is when we went to the store to get all the fixings for ice cream sundaes because the series finale of Felicity was going to be on. We made our sundaes, sat down in my living room, and started watching it. Suddenly it was bath time for Daniel and Connor, and the next thing we knew Connor was running through the living room butt-naked, with nothing on but his huge white bike helmet. He ran through the room just giggling, he was about 3-years old. I still laugh everything I think back on it, it was so funny!! Then there was the time we went to that concert for KISS FM, and the chair pinched me so hard I had to sit down from the pain. You and everyone else thought I was being dramatic, until you saw my leg the next morning after having slept over. That bruise was HUGE, it was bigger than a softball. I wore shorts for days showing off how awesome that bruise looked, haha. Your face when you first saw it was priceless. =)
I missed you when you moved away, I miss you all the time. I think I’ve only seen you two or three times since you left. Selfishly I’m glad you guys aren’t leaving getting stationed out of the country, because we fully plan on coming to see you sometime in the next year! I miss you SO MUCH, and we’ve missed out on some of the most important stuff in each other’s lives. It’s alright though, because I know that we will always be friends, no matter the distance. I love you so much, Vicki, and you were probably the best part of my senior year. “Escape” and “I Love Rock and Roll” are our “songs” and I smile every time I hear them. I’m so lucky to have you in my life, thank you for everything. You’re such an amazing friend!!!!
We used to fight a lot, too. We were both pretty stubborn and dramatic (I know Sara’s nodding right now going, “Yeah you were!”). Heck, we probably are both still that way at times, haha. But what was neat was we would always make up within a matter of hours. There was no silent treatment for days on end and cold shoulders being given at school. We were silly almost all of the time…I miss you living in the same state as me. =)
We worked at the church and Super Target together. Oh my gosh, do you remember putting that store together? We were so excited to get hired together to start that store from an empty building, and we QUICKLY decided it wasn’t fun anymore after putting those shelves and racks together. I think you and I almost single-handedly put together that jewelry section, haha. I think I mention it every time I’m in there (which is rare nowadays) and pass it, going, “I had marks for days putting that section together…” We had fun, though. We were united in our love of Wanda (was she not the BEST??? I may do a post about her, too) and our hatred of those awful managers Kathy and Mariska (or some weird name like that). She was SO PICKY about lining up those clothing racks so you could look from one end of the department to the other and they’d be perfectly aligned…we did have fun during those couple of months, though. Working together made it bearable.
You slept over at my house a lot. My favorite memory is when we went to the store to get all the fixings for ice cream sundaes because the series finale of Felicity was going to be on. We made our sundaes, sat down in my living room, and started watching it. Suddenly it was bath time for Daniel and Connor, and the next thing we knew Connor was running through the living room butt-naked, with nothing on but his huge white bike helmet. He ran through the room just giggling, he was about 3-years old. I still laugh everything I think back on it, it was so funny!! Then there was the time we went to that concert for KISS FM, and the chair pinched me so hard I had to sit down from the pain. You and everyone else thought I was being dramatic, until you saw my leg the next morning after having slept over. That bruise was HUGE, it was bigger than a softball. I wore shorts for days showing off how awesome that bruise looked, haha. Your face when you first saw it was priceless. =)
I missed you when you moved away, I miss you all the time. I think I’ve only seen you two or three times since you left. Selfishly I’m glad you guys aren’t leaving getting stationed out of the country, because we fully plan on coming to see you sometime in the next year! I miss you SO MUCH, and we’ve missed out on some of the most important stuff in each other’s lives. It’s alright though, because I know that we will always be friends, no matter the distance. I love you so much, Vicki, and you were probably the best part of my senior year. “Escape” and “I Love Rock and Roll” are our “songs” and I smile every time I hear them. I’m so lucky to have you in my life, thank you for everything. You’re such an amazing friend!!!!
Day 26: Nikki Stillo
I met Nikki through Sewell when I first started, I was 21. Gosh, this year will be seven years that we’ve been friends, that is crazy! Nikki was an operator and I was a cashier at the Cadillac store at the time. She always said hi when she walked past and everything, but I just assumed she was being friendly, rather than trying to actually be friends. I was still in my super insecure phase, where I assumed anyone that looked like they belonged to the popular group in high school wouldn’t want to hang out with me. Nikki got me a Christmas present that year, and I finally saw that she wasn’t someone pretending to be nice to me, she was as genuine as they come.
We’ve always have had our separate group of friends, but she and I just get along really well, and we have had some fun over the years! Nikki used to have this wonderfully feisty kitten named Joey, and I was over there as much as I could be while she had him (he ended up moving in with her now-ex boyfriend when she moved to a new place). That cat…he was definitely one of those cats you could watch for hours, he was a psycho and was adorable. I cat-sat for him once, and I discovered that while he was a certifiable nutcase during the day, he was QUITE the snuggle-bug at night and he nearly suffocated me every night in his desire to sleep wrapped around my face. Then there was the pizza incident…Nikki knows what I’m talking about, haha!
She has been my friend through a ton of my boy woes. She always encouraged me to stay positive and not give up, telling me that I was wonderful and would find the perfect guy someday. I don’t think she and I have ever, ever fought now that I think about it. We always have just gotten along. We meet up for drinks and dinner from time to time, although not nearly often enough. She’s someone I look up to more than she knows. Not only does she work and take on a full schedule at school, she volunteers as much time as she can to Alley’s House, which is a non-profit organization that helps teen moms and their children. Nikki is one of THE most giving and selfless people I will ever meet. She constantly amazes me with how hard she works and how much she gives to others.
Nikki, you know how much I love you. I know we don’t get to see each other all that much lately, but it never changes anything in our friendship. I am so blessed to have you in my life. You were the only friend who helped me move out of my apartment years ago, and you did it in dress clothes and high heels, haha! You’ve been there for me for some tough times in my life. You always have a smile on your face and a positive attitude, and it’s probably what I love most about you. I was honored to have you stand up with me as one of my bridesmaids on my wedding day. You’re one of a kind, and my life is definitely better because you’ve been in it. Love you!!!
We’ve always have had our separate group of friends, but she and I just get along really well, and we have had some fun over the years! Nikki used to have this wonderfully feisty kitten named Joey, and I was over there as much as I could be while she had him (he ended up moving in with her now-ex boyfriend when she moved to a new place). That cat…he was definitely one of those cats you could watch for hours, he was a psycho and was adorable. I cat-sat for him once, and I discovered that while he was a certifiable nutcase during the day, he was QUITE the snuggle-bug at night and he nearly suffocated me every night in his desire to sleep wrapped around my face. Then there was the pizza incident…Nikki knows what I’m talking about, haha!
She has been my friend through a ton of my boy woes. She always encouraged me to stay positive and not give up, telling me that I was wonderful and would find the perfect guy someday. I don’t think she and I have ever, ever fought now that I think about it. We always have just gotten along. We meet up for drinks and dinner from time to time, although not nearly often enough. She’s someone I look up to more than she knows. Not only does she work and take on a full schedule at school, she volunteers as much time as she can to Alley’s House, which is a non-profit organization that helps teen moms and their children. Nikki is one of THE most giving and selfless people I will ever meet. She constantly amazes me with how hard she works and how much she gives to others.
Nikki, you know how much I love you. I know we don’t get to see each other all that much lately, but it never changes anything in our friendship. I am so blessed to have you in my life. You were the only friend who helped me move out of my apartment years ago, and you did it in dress clothes and high heels, haha! You’ve been there for me for some tough times in my life. You always have a smile on your face and a positive attitude, and it’s probably what I love most about you. I was honored to have you stand up with me as one of my bridesmaids on my wedding day. You’re one of a kind, and my life is definitely better because you’ve been in it. Love you!!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 25: Being Financially Responsible
Most people know, I’m one of six kids. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, but we never went without too much. As such, I didn’t ever really learn the value of a dollar when I needed to. My parents did the right thing about a couple of things: once I was old enough to hold a job, it was my responsibility to buy things like CDs or books or anything frivolous. I had to pay for my own car, my insurance, and my cell phone bill. I paid for my own school and books while I was there. They didn’t do anything for me like that (they did let me move home and live rent-free for awhile, though, and despite what they think I AM grateful for that), and it’s something I will most likely do with my own children. What I hope to do DIFFERENTLY, though, is teach them to budget. That was something I was well into my 20’s before I figured out. So far my sister is the only one who figured out really young how to manage her money, and I’m not quite sure how she did that, haha. She’s just so good at everything. =)
I used to be jealous that all of my friends (which wasn’t very many, so it was LITERALLY all of them) were from smaller families and had parents that let them use their credit cards and paid for a lot of things for them. Now I feel like I have the advantage, haha. I’ve been paying for the majority of my own stuff for a long time. I used to pick fun stuff over bills and ended up with some outstanding things on my credit. With Karla, Andrea, and Andrew’s help and advice, I now have nothing lingering, and it’s a GREAT feeling. I certainly hope to do my best to make sure my children turn out like my sister: smart with money right out of high school. Living in fear of the bill collector is something I don’t wish on anybody, and I want my kids to be responsible adults that learn to pay for the things they want the second they are financially able to.
I used to be jealous that all of my friends (which wasn’t very many, so it was LITERALLY all of them) were from smaller families and had parents that let them use their credit cards and paid for a lot of things for them. Now I feel like I have the advantage, haha. I’ve been paying for the majority of my own stuff for a long time. I used to pick fun stuff over bills and ended up with some outstanding things on my credit. With Karla, Andrea, and Andrew’s help and advice, I now have nothing lingering, and it’s a GREAT feeling. I certainly hope to do my best to make sure my children turn out like my sister: smart with money right out of high school. Living in fear of the bill collector is something I don’t wish on anybody, and I want my kids to be responsible adults that learn to pay for the things they want the second they are financially able to.
Day 24: Nicole Wright
I met Nicole through work, we cashiered together. She is someone who helped me come out of my shell quite a bit. She is just that “I don’t give a damn what other people think about me” kinda person. I’ve lost touch with her the last few years, but we hung out all the time before she got married awhile back. I remember sitting in a mostly empty movie theater, laughing so hard we were doubled over crying, watching 40-Year Old Virgin. NO ONE ELSE was laughing. There was an Arab woman who sat quietly then left, and an older couple who didn’t laugh, and some creepy guy. We were the ONLY ones laughing, and that made it even funnier, somehow.
Nicole, I wish we hadn’t lost touch with each other, but I am so glad that I met you. The “JaQuiesha” in me is still there and isn’t as worried about what others think anymore. So thank you for that. =)
Nicole, I wish we hadn’t lost touch with each other, but I am so glad that I met you. The “JaQuiesha” in me is still there and isn’t as worried about what others think anymore. So thank you for that. =)
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