My First Mother's Day

I remember the first moment I knew I wanted to be a mother. It was in a hospital room in Richardson, TX in March of 1998. We were meeting my new baby brother, Connor. Daniel was nearly 2 years old. These two boys filled my heart with such love and joy, I knew for sure all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a Mommy. 

So I grew up. My "timeline" of having met my husband by age 22 was shot. I was mid-twenties and painfully single. You all know the story of how fate worked its magic to bring Andrew and me together: I was  25. And I thought "I still have time to have my first kid well before I'm 30!"

Fate had its own way of doing things on this, as well. I gave birth to my son 5 months before I turned 30, haha. If someone had told me when I was in my early 20's that's how it would be, I would have been disappointed...

...but I'm not now. Not even a little bit. I'm happy about every single moment of my love story. I wouldn't wish the pain and frustration and helplessness of infertility on ANYONE. Ever. And yet it's the only journey I know and so I am thankful for it. Rascal Flatts has a song with a part that always reminds me of our struggle now that we are on this side of it: "And I wouldn't change a thing. I'd walk right back through the rain. Back to every broken heart on the day that it was breaking. And I'd relive all the years, and be thankful for the tears. I cried with every stumbled step that led to you and brought me HERE. Right here."

Today was a day I've waited for since I was 14 years old. That I've ached for even more since I met Andrew at age 25. Being a mother has been what Fate always had planned for me, it just never paid any attention to MY timeline. 

I am a mother to a wonderful little boy. He laughs at silly faces and sounds. He walks with his hands behind his back like a brooding college professor. He loves loves LOVES music (yay!!). He gives the biggest, drooliest kisses in town. He's dramatic (no idea where he gets THAT). He's easy to cheer up. He loves sleep. And bread...lots of bread. He lives to play with Dewey and Harley, and to share his food with them. They draw out some of the best squeals and smiles he has. He loves to dance, and to watch the world go by outside our kitchen window with his puppy next to him. He loves books, cannot get enough of them. He loves catching your eye and scrunching up his face to make you smile and laugh. He likes to clean up his toys (Grandma Linda would be so proud!!). He really enjoys being with Daddy in the kitchen. 

I love learning all about my son everyday. He changes constantly, a cute new thing he does one day can be gone the next. I am blessed to get to stay home so much with him, nothing makes me happier than to be here with Matthew. I'm living one of my biggest dreams: I'm a mother. I wipe tears away when he's sad or hurt. I kiss little knees that smack into the wood floors. I tickle chubby toes. I swing him around as we dance to Disney Junior songs. I read the same story ten times in a row. I takes hundreds of photos of his precious face. I take thousands more mental photos I can't capture with my camera. I tear up when he accomplishes a new feat and reminds me just how fast he's growing. I work tirelessly to try and make that boy clap his hands (no idea where he gets that stubbornness, either...). 

I am a mother. And today was my first Mother's Day. There were no swanky lunch reservations. No jewelry with "Mom" somewhere on it. No bouquet of flowers. Just an art project compliments of Matthew and Dede that I will treasure always. I cried when I got to hang it on the fridge. My first official BADGE, if you will, of being a mother. A rite of passage I've been very excited about.

 

And my day was spent watching Matthew tag along after Daddy to play and be read to. There have been kisses and snuggles, way better than any trinket.  

The day is everything I dreamed it would be. Being able to celebrate this day is very special to me because of how I got here. The icing on the cake was the card from Andrew telling me what an amazing job I do everyday with our son. My heart just is so full of love and happiness today. It couldn't have been any better. 

Well. I could have had more sleep. There's never enough sleep to be had, it seems. I AM a mother, after all.  ;)