Great Expectations

I have gotten a lot of questions lately about the adoption process in general, our preferences, things like that. I am happy that everyone seems really excited for us and wants to know more! But I know from one person asking that it might be a concern that any questions might seem insensitive and they weren't sure how to ask, so I wanted to answer some of the questions I have been getting here, so if you're too shy to ask...well, now you don't have to, haha.

I have been asked why we aren't trying to adopt a newborn. And the answer is simply because we don't feel led to do that. For starters, it costs a small fortune. And we are able to easily afford the Waiting Texas Children (WTC) program, which is adopting from the foster care system, and feel that the small fortune spent on one newborn could be much better spent to put towards the lives of the 2-3 children we plan to adopt. Then there's the consideration that based on numbers, newborns are easier to find homes for. So many people who adopt want a newborn baby, someone they can raise from the start and know all of those memories for their adopted child. There are over 6000 children waiting to be adopted from the foster care system in Texas. SIX THOUSAND. Six thousand children with no permanent home. Andrew and I just know that our path leads to those children, to do what we can to help. Of course having a newborn baby sounds beautiful and wonderful, we love babies. But for our family, we know that the WTC program is where our hearts are being guided.

Another question I have gotten is almost always a follow-up to that first question, and that is "aren't you guys worried that there will be problems with the children? You see it on TV all the time." It is a very good question and the very first one I asked the lady from Buckner when we first spoke. I have watched enough Law and Order SVU and all sorts of crime shows to know how the children in the foster care system are portrayed. The lady seemed very sad as she answered my question: Hollywood is doing these children a disservice. Of course you can find cases that mirror the stories you see about runaways and drugs and violence on television shows. But the reality of the situation is that most children (at least with Buckner, I don't know that she can speak for other agencies) are obviously traumatized in some way with being placed in foster care and being told they will have to be adopted by strangers, but that what you see on TV isn't a fair representation of these children. They are sad, sure. Lost. Feeling abandoned. But there are detailed CPS files on them and anything that is of concern, and the truth is most children just want to be loved and have a permanent home. They aren't all secretly harming the neighbor's dog, destined to become a future serial killer. They are kids who just need someone to want them. So while of course we want to be sure any children we adopt aren't one of the rare children who Hollywood decided needed to be the face of the foster care system, we are going at this with open hearts and praying every step of the way that the Lord will bring the right children to us. And that's really all we can do. Much like with falling in love, we hope that when the time comes to adopt, we "just know" we have found the right fit.

And by far the most common question I am getting is: "what are you hoping for?" I don't think my answer has been satisfactory, haha. Because the God's honest truth is I don't have preferences. I thought I would. I was sure I would want to specify boys, no girls, within a certain age range, all details tailored down to a picture I have in my head. But that's simply not how it's been. Would I love all boys? Of course, I have always said I felt destined to be a mother to all boys. And yet lately I can't help but have this feeling that God is planning to throw a little girl into my all-boy plan, haha. And that makes me happy, too. I just want to adopt children, ANY children. I don't care what they look like, what their skin color is, if they have a disability, how old they are, anything. From a practical standpoint, Buckner's informational online class informed me that getting too specific doesn't always work out, as it can limit the number of children you get to know about. We want to be open to all possibilities, and like I have said: as hokey as it may sound to some of you, I am going at this with the knowledge that I trust the Lord to bring us the exact perfect little blessings our family is meant to have.

I know I keep saying "I", but I have had several conversations with Andrew (it's all I can think about lately, after all) and he is in complete agreement. We are so excited to think that in the next year or two our whole lives will be radically different. Our small family could suddenly be full and loud and busting with love. Holidays will be so different, in the most wonderful way. We have been saying these last few holidays as Matthew's growing that we look forward to him growing and the way our family dynamic will evolve into different activites and all of that. And I lie awake at night dreaming of future Christmas mornings with more children, more birthdays to celebrate and more memories all year to create.

I feel like I need to hold onto those dreams because I know that there are long anxious days ahead. The road to adoption isn't ever smooth and simple. So to get me through, I have my visions of our family growing, even though I don't have images in my head of what these children will look like. And I still have a nagging suspicion I will have to learn to do a little girl's hair somewhere along the way, haha, but I'm ready. I haven't ever been more ready for anything in my entire life.

Step 1 Towards Getting Licensed

The last week or so has been such a mental whirlwind for us. First of all, the amount of support and love and encouragement from our loved ones has been overwhelming and much appreciated. We are extremely excited for this next chapter of our lives, adding to our family is something we want very much and we couldn't be more anxious to provide a home to children in need.

Today I spoke on the phone with a very sweet lady from Buckner International, she answered a lot of the questions I had and shed some light on the three different adoption programs that they offer. The programs are Foster-To-Adopt, Waiting Texas Children (WTC), and Domestic Infancy Adoption (DIA). DIA is basically being chosen by a pregnant mother to adopt her unborn child. The costs associated with it are dramatically higher, but we would eventually get a newborn baby to adopt when we are chosen. The wait time is longer, as only 10 babies per year are placed through DIA.

We are wanting to adopt at least 2 children, preferably siblings, so DIA isn't the program we feel is best for us, as amazing as it sounds to have another baby. We aren't interested in Foster-To-Adopt, either, because a fact about this method is that the majority of children in this program are eventually reunited with biological parents after treatments or other biological family members. We would most likely get attached to the children we were fostering, and they would probably never become available for adoption.

So that leaves us with WTC, which adopting out of the foster care program. These are children with parents who have lost their parental rights and other family members have not been able to be found as willing or suitable. Our desire for siblings will almost certainly be able to be fulfilled through this program. Cost-wise, there's a $1000 fee (that is refundable once placement becomes permanent) and then any adoption fees from an attorney at the end of the process. Our company pays up to $5000 in adoption fees for us, so that will be a huge help as well.

Tonight I watched a 40 minute online informational video, and completion was step one on the road to getting licensed for permanent placement of children in our home. Tomorrow Andrew will fill out our application and submit it, as well as find time in the next day or so to watch the video himself. It gave detailed information on each of their programs and the company's history (which dates back to the 1800's, it's an AMAZING organization that is about so much more than adoption, I encourage all of you to take some time to look them up!).

I don't know how I'm going to go to bed tonight, my head is swirling with statistics and requirements and HOPE. I felt more sure of our decision with each passing minute of the video. This is where God wants us, I feel it in my soul. I am definitely anxious and excited and nervous and hopeful and all sorts of emotions, haha, so please do not hesitate to ask me questions or engage in conversation with us about this, we want to talk about it with anyone who wants to listen.  =)

Alright, I have to try and get some sleep. Good night, everyone!

The Start of Our Adoption Journey

I don't remember the exact moment I knew I wanted to adopt. I was a teenager, I know that. The church I used to work at held an annual adoption event where families with adopted children could come together and celebrate. I often got to go with my mom when she worked childcare for it, sometimes I even worked in child care as well. I think that was my first real introduction to the world of adoption. 

I do know that for my entire adult life, it was in my mind and in my heart that adoption was going to be a part of my journey someday. When I met and married Andrew, he was always in full agreement that it was going to happen. Our plan was always to have two of our own, then someday adopt. 

Our infertility journey is no secret at this point, I have always done my best to be transparent and open about our struggle and eventual success with our beautiful little boy. So it seems only fitting to be as transparent and open about this slight change of plans. 

We were going to get pregnant again. We were telling everyone we weren't, because last time wasn't a surprise. Our family knew what day we were taking our pregnancy test after our Two Week Wait and there was no big surprise with a clever announcement, nothing. And we really wanted to do that. So since the day Matthew was born, most people were told that we were "never doing that again." And every time they protested, we would laugh later, looking forward to the day we could truly shock them with a pregnancy announcement. 

But somewhere along the way, our hearts became conflicted. There was more to consider than a lot of couples have to consider when planning a second pregnancy. Our chances of multiples were real, and multiples was something we both agreed we could not handle. Our support system is lacking due to our location and other factors, and we just felt if we got twins (or more) with such a busy boy like Matthew, we would feel even more alone than we already do sometimes. There is also the chance an ectopic pregnancy could happen and my last tube would have to be removed: taking the decision to have more children out of my hands completely. I want that decision to be made BY me, not FOR me. 

Then there's how hard my pregnancy was. The nausea. The high blood pressure. The bed rest. That was all hard enough without an adorably crazy-busy toddler running and climbing. Being pregnant and having Matthew just became something I was dreading, and that left me with a ton of internal guilt for months. I took way too long to talk about it with Andrew. We had a plan, and I was changing my mind and assumed he would be disappointed, even though we had been going back and forth for months at this point. So I kept it to myself, thinking as time went on I would change my mind back to our plan and all would be fine. But I just felt more and more guilty at how much I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. Finally talking to Andrew was like letting go from holding my breath for a long time, it was such a whooshing relief. He was understanding, supportive, and not at all disappointed in me or angry. I felt silly, haha, because Andrew has always been incredibly supportive and loving. I think a small part of me wishes we could go with our original plan, but there is too much that could happen that we don't want to, and the much larger part of my heart knows that shelving that plan is the right thing for us. 

And so that decision moved up the talk of adoption. We have a vague idea of what to expect from this process, but we are fully aware that it will end up being emotional and possibly heart-breaking at times. I just know in my heart this is what we are supposed to be doing. I am not carrying around any guilt or stress about completing our family: our heads are clear and our hearts are open. We are ready to begin. 

A wonderful lady through our church has given us a few agencies to check out. She recommended a book as well, and as I get more into the process I will share the details further. Right now, I'm public as of yesterday on Facebook as to our intentions. My mother-in-law immediately messaged me and shared her excitement at our decision. She was adopted, and so she supports what we want to do 110% and her words were so sweet and welcome. That status update was one of my most liked ones in a long time, haha, so I feel really good about the decision to share our journey, with every big and small step taken. 

I do want to make it clear that I know this process is rarely sunshine and roses, but we feel that we have to go into it with genuine smiles, strong hearts, and a positive and optimistic outlook. We know it will be difficult, but we will not be deterred. 

"I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

in the night also my heart instructs me. 

I have set the Lord always before me;

because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken."

Psalm 16:7-8