I have gotten a lot of questions lately about the adoption process in general, our preferences, things like that. I am happy that everyone seems really excited for us and wants to know more! But I know from one person asking that it might be a concern that any questions might seem insensitive and they weren't sure how to ask, so I wanted to answer some of the questions I have been getting here, so if you're too shy to ask...well, now you don't have to, haha.
I have been asked why we aren't trying to adopt a newborn. And the answer is simply because we don't feel led to do that. For starters, it costs a small fortune. And we are able to easily afford the Waiting Texas Children (WTC) program, which is adopting from the foster care system, and feel that the small fortune spent on one newborn could be much better spent to put towards the lives of the 2-3 children we plan to adopt. Then there's the consideration that based on numbers, newborns are easier to find homes for. So many people who adopt want a newborn baby, someone they can raise from the start and know all of those memories for their adopted child. There are over 6000 children waiting to be adopted from the foster care system in Texas. SIX THOUSAND. Six thousand children with no permanent home. Andrew and I just know that our path leads to those children, to do what we can to help. Of course having a newborn baby sounds beautiful and wonderful, we love babies. But for our family, we know that the WTC program is where our hearts are being guided.
Another question I have gotten is almost always a follow-up to that first question, and that is "aren't you guys worried that there will be problems with the children? You see it on TV all the time." It is a very good question and the very first one I asked the lady from Buckner when we first spoke. I have watched enough Law and Order SVU and all sorts of crime shows to know how the children in the foster care system are portrayed. The lady seemed very sad as she answered my question: Hollywood is doing these children a disservice. Of course you can find cases that mirror the stories you see about runaways and drugs and violence on television shows. But the reality of the situation is that most children (at least with Buckner, I don't know that she can speak for other agencies) are obviously traumatized in some way with being placed in foster care and being told they will have to be adopted by strangers, but that what you see on TV isn't a fair representation of these children. They are sad, sure. Lost. Feeling abandoned. But there are detailed CPS files on them and anything that is of concern, and the truth is most children just want to be loved and have a permanent home. They aren't all secretly harming the neighbor's dog, destined to become a future serial killer. They are kids who just need someone to want them. So while of course we want to be sure any children we adopt aren't one of the rare children who Hollywood decided needed to be the face of the foster care system, we are going at this with open hearts and praying every step of the way that the Lord will bring the right children to us. And that's really all we can do. Much like with falling in love, we hope that when the time comes to adopt, we "just know" we have found the right fit.
And by far the most common question I am getting is: "what are you hoping for?" I don't think my answer has been satisfactory, haha. Because the God's honest truth is I don't have preferences. I thought I would. I was sure I would want to specify boys, no girls, within a certain age range, all details tailored down to a picture I have in my head. But that's simply not how it's been. Would I love all boys? Of course, I have always said I felt destined to be a mother to all boys. And yet lately I can't help but have this feeling that God is planning to throw a little girl into my all-boy plan, haha. And that makes me happy, too. I just want to adopt children, ANY children. I don't care what they look like, what their skin color is, if they have a disability, how old they are, anything. From a practical standpoint, Buckner's informational online class informed me that getting too specific doesn't always work out, as it can limit the number of children you get to know about. We want to be open to all possibilities, and like I have said: as hokey as it may sound to some of you, I am going at this with the knowledge that I trust the Lord to bring us the exact perfect little blessings our family is meant to have.
I know I keep saying "I", but I have had several conversations with Andrew (it's all I can think about lately, after all) and he is in complete agreement. We are so excited to think that in the next year or two our whole lives will be radically different. Our small family could suddenly be full and loud and busting with love. Holidays will be so different, in the most wonderful way. We have been saying these last few holidays as Matthew's growing that we look forward to him growing and the way our family dynamic will evolve into different activites and all of that. And I lie awake at night dreaming of future Christmas mornings with more children, more birthdays to celebrate and more memories all year to create.
I feel like I need to hold onto those dreams because I know that there are long anxious days ahead. The road to adoption isn't ever smooth and simple. So to get me through, I have my visions of our family growing, even though I don't have images in my head of what these children will look like. And I still have a nagging suspicion I will have to learn to do a little girl's hair somewhere along the way, haha, but I'm ready. I haven't ever been more ready for anything in my entire life.
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